Lack of sex life
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now, we live together and are faithful to each other. At first everything was great and we had sex often. Now, it's so infrequent I honestly can't remember the last time we had sex. It makes me sad, angry, and confused because it's not me that doesn't want it. My boyfriend will always have some excuse like he's tired or just "later" but later never comes unless I bug him about it enough. When we do have sex it's usually one of those quick, passionless things that's like 5 mins. He says he does want to have sex but then rejects me every time. I'm getting really tired of only his needs being important. I don't ask for a lot, and I just want to have sex more than maybe twice a month. I don't know what to do about it because it's kinda messing with my self esteem.
@Island562 i don't know if this is an option maybe talk to a couples counsulor or sex threapist if its avalible to you it could help the relationship
@Island562
Usually it is the work and life problems that kills the spark in a relationship from a man's point of view. Men cannot detach so fast from work to personal ife and yes it is mentally draining the work, the stress, the problems to the point you do not think about sex anymore just want to go numb and rest...women can make that switch very fast between work and personal life...
It is not his fault, it is the fault of society, work and stress take it out of people...when life sucks you really are not in the mood for sex...
@Island562 honestly... I'm a virgin and I thought this looked intresting but I'm sorry about your prob
@Island562 Hey, so, I can't really offer advice so much as relate to this. I married my husband about six months ago and the same thing happened to the frequency of our lovemaking. He says it's his diabetes or his work around the house making him tired, so maybe there is some truth to what the poster said about men not being able to detach so much from their work brains. I tried to communicate to my husband on Sunday that I want him. We were both tired by that point, so he said, "Take a long lunch break tomorrow," and then seemed to forget he said that. It does take a toll on the self-esteem, especially when you always hear about men being hypersexual creatures, etc. These generalizations do more harm than help, I feel. Sex isn't as fun when it's just a short robotic session and I have no idea how to break free from that rut. So like I said, all I can be is in the same boat with you. For what it's worth, I hope you find an answer that helps you.
@Island562
I'm sorry to hear that! Would have the possibility to go on a vacation or somehow get away from the stresses of daily life? That could help spark things up when work or other troubles wouldn't be on his mind too much. Or, if you had a routine of having sex before going to sleep, it might seem too tiring now and you could switch that up and try something in the morning or during the day.
Maybe you've tried these things already and they haven't worked. I know it must suck getting rejected time after time and after a while you just get tired of even trying. I was wondering if you have other kind of closeness in your relationship, like cuddles and kisses? I think having that kind of connection is an important basis for sex.
I suggest you two have a good talk about this issue. Try not to blame him but bring up how you've noticed that your sex life isn't what it used to be and how it's affecting you. I hope he could be honest with you about his feelings too so you could try to come up with different solutions. Maybe he doesn't have time to think about sex, maybe he's stressed, maybe he feels he isn't performing well, maybe he just has a low sex drive for the time being. It could be anything and it's important to find out.