Possible Sex addiction?
I'm Molly, I'm 18. If you're willing to read all what I have to say, kudos to you. Last year, around September. I had slept with 3 different men. I was 17. They were 36, 39 and 40. I like older men. Now that I'm 18, I had gotten into a long distance relationship. He's 49. The other night I cheated. My brain said no but my body said yes. I told him and I'm sure we won't be together. I deserve that. So far he said he wants distance and time to think. I find so much pleasure in sex. Although I'm beating myself up after what I did, as I should. I masturbate a lot, I'm always thinking about sex. Sex and masturbation make me happy. I watch porn almost everytime I masturbate. I've been doing this since about 13.
am I addicted or just stupid? I don't want to cheat and it was so bad of me, so so so so bad. I spent two days crying and staring at my ceiling, I can't imagine how he feels. But it's hard him being there and me being here. I need human touch. It felt so good to be touched again. Wanted. In the end I did a bad thing, I hurt people. Because I couldn't stop.
@PudgeQueen - I think what PizzaandChill said is very true - there's nothing inherently wrong with enjoying sex or masturbation, it's only when it begins to interfere with other areas of your life that it becomes a problem, and that's something that only you (or, I suppose, a professional) can define.
It sounds to me like a part of feeling good about a relationship for you is having the physical closeness, which is understandable - as someone who has tried long distance relationships (and failed) twice, I get that! I don't think it's wrong to need closeness, but it's something that's important to be honest about - communicating your needs, both with yourself and with partners, is a key component to a healthy relationship, whether it's the one you're in or a different one ultimately.
Right now it sounds like you're doing a lot of thinking, which is good, but do try to forgive yourself - when mistakes are made, it's important to reflect and understand why they happened and how to avoid them in the future, to apologize for pain or harm you cause others, but then ultimately to forgive yourself and move forward. You can't change what's happened, but you can work on ensuring it doesn't again.
At any rate, if you do ever need to talk, don't hesitate to reach out. Take care