The Curse. (Paedophilia)
First of all don't read this if you are faint of heart or suicidal. I'd prefer to not cause any pain.
---
Meeting people on the street that if they knew, would love to see me tortured and killed. Knowing that you can never have what you crave. Never act on your emotions.
After years of this you won't feel much at all, everything is dead inside.
I've been cursed.
If I could wish away my affliction I would do so in a heartbeat. This is no way to live. Being a monster.
I have never done anything to act on my emotions in that regard. I never will. I don't want to hurt anyone.
A month ago I tried to take my life, a cocktail of (edited by forum mentor @cristiana33 for med mentioning) and alcohol. Regrettably I woke up again in the hospital.
I said all the things they wanted to hear. I wish I had died as they would want me to if they knew.
I realize that this place is not for me either, so why am I'm typing this? Digital footprint perhaps? Help?
There is no help to give a monster, their only use is to scare people into submission and get killed by the heroes.
After all this the only thing that comes to mind is the terribly overused "What's the point?".
@6B696C6C206D65
My heart truly goes out to you and your sufferings. You sound like an extraordinarily strong person. I wish you peace and happiness 
@6B696C6C206D65
This place is for you, never worry that there is not a spot for you here.
Firstly, I am proud of you for not acting on it, despite how you're feeling. I know that urges can be really strange and intrusive, but the psychological damage it could do to both of you just isn't worth that.
I'm glad you woke up. The fact that you're speaking out about this implies that you want help. You don't want to succumb to "the monster," as you said; you don't have to, you know? Not everyone is going to understand this -- you may actually get a lot of backlash for it. But, there are likely alternatives and people to talk to about this. You are not alone. You are stronger than you know. Thank you for your honesty - I wish you nothing but the best of feelings, and I hope that you will find happiness. <3
It is a curse, regardless of how you spell it.
I also have this curse and I have spoken openly about it here in the forums as well as the chat. If you ever read this, just know that you are welcome to speak out and get support here.
I have found that most of the moderators are OK with it as long as you don't go into the icky details. You won't be banned from here. You might get a warning or two, but don't let that stop you from getting support. There are a lot of members who will tell you you deserve to live, make of that what you will.
I'm sorry you are suffering from such a terrible thing...
There is support through sex and love addicts anonymous too. You are not alone.