What would you do?
I've been with my wife for 9 years, we lived together since she got pregnant last 2013,
Before She got pregnant, we always have hot times together. But then she suddenly changed, it's like she doesn't want to go near me. I tried to understand that maybe she is pregnant and hormonal, but few months after the baby came out, I tried to be intimate to her again, but she has all this reasons, she's tired, She's not in the mood, etc.
Everytime we have sex, it's me who always insisting, she didn't even initiate or have desire to have sex with me even now.
So I tried and did lot of things to solve it.
We are both working back then and since I work at home, I am the one taking care of my daughter and also doing house chores at the same time so that when she get home, there will be no more things to do but to relax.
We had a civil wedding in 2016, expecting that she will be more into it now that she feel more secure.
In 2017, I asked her to stop working and be with the kids. But even she stopped working, I never stopped helping at home.
After that, there is still no changes, so I asked her, the she told me when I stopped smoking, she will be more into it. So I stopped. I am a heave smoker and that is so hard for me to do, she didn't even care what I am going through when I am in my quitting phase.
When I managed to stopped smoking, she has another condition, stop my gaming. And I did.
I also loan a house and named it after both of us.
I also don't mind if she bought things. She gets whatever she wants. I can't even get things that I really want and need.
The only thing that I can think of doing is marrying her in church.
Our supposed to be intimate time is so dull and I feel empty. Not only because I am the one who only ask or initiate. But when we do it, she only lay down and I just get on top of her.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I need advice.
Thank you.
@ArashiKurai
although some women have issues immediately after having a child that should be over by now. has she spoken to a doctor.
I can tell you from the opposite view .... he never want to do anything in the bedroom i feel like a failure ..lost weight / changed my hair / did everything i can possibly do and nothing........ he finally says he has no drive anymore and ED and it is not me ........................but sure does not feel that way...... resentment has built up and frankly i have zero interest in him anymore.............. i tell myself if he would cut off videos or do more things with me etc..... each effort does not go well and we are drifting apart.......
probably did not help you but she may have low drive and hormone imbalance.... and her attempts to change you are looking for a solution OR she thought you would NOT do it and she would have an easy excuse ........
It does NOT matter male or female ......................if they have NO Libido or lost attraction ........ they should discuss it with their partner ........and examine all their feelings because it is soul crushing to a spouse trying to ANYTHING to fix it....
Thank you for your response. This has been my problem. I don't know what to do anymore.
@ArashiKurai
i am sure you have had discussions i suggest in a room with zero distraction no TV kids asleep or off somewhere ...
just one on one and tell her how did this happen we went from a good thing to this situation. do not let her tell you it is outside things you quit smoking ... you gave up other things .... you help around the house with kids .... in the world of spouses you have done more then most IMO
She may not even know why she is like this ... she may need to talk to someone or see a doctor... or she may need to open up to you about what is holding her back . when all the gesture and jumping through hoops do not work it often comes to direct communication or even counseling.