Wife and I battle over many sexual issues, and I fear divorce is our only option.
My wife (28) and I (26) have been fighting over sexual issues for literally ever. But more so sliver the past few weeks cause I am finally at my breaking point. We have always fought over frequency cause she almost never wants sex. Well recently she told me she would be willing to do it once a month or bi monthly, but that she dont ever want it more than that. And I wouldnt want it more if she didnt cause then its pointless duty sex, and at that point Id rather use my hand. So I let her know in great detail what sex actually means to me and how I need more that that. Her responce? Idk what to tell you then cause I cant do more than that. Currently its like 2 or 3 times a year. Been that way since we met. But no talks have fixed it. I suggested we take it away permanently and live celibate so that the stress from the rejections and constant hoping for something that never happens is eliminated on my end. And my pestering her for it is gone in her end. But she refuses to do that. On top of all of this, she has a huge fear of pregnancy & hate kids, so she never wants them. Which I dont either. But in another discussion we had recently I mentioned to her by that some miricle chance her libido increased (which is not happening) & we were able to work through this, that we still would fight over sex do to condom use being required forever and also her unwillingness to compromise on that and her refusal to take bc as an alternative to the condoms. So idk anymore..
@Undesirable92
Hey man, sorry to hear you're going through such troubles. If you could, I'd advise you look for a facebook group "Man Up! Masculinity for the intelligent man with David Tian, PhD" and join it. It has extensive support for relationship issues like you're facing. Hope that helps.
@Undesirable92 Wow, so sorry to hear about you/spouse's tough situation. Sexual intimacy in marriage is a very important pillar and a very difficult subject to talk and learn and grow, but it is doable. After reading your story twice, the first couple of things that I wonder about are the reasons for your wife's either low sex drive or strong desire to not have sex? Is there a biological thing? Or medication that's truly disabled her libido? It happens. Have you or your wife's doctors given input? Or perhaps even a therapist?
Also, you stated that neither of you want children and condom usage ... just wondering if you considered a vasectomy? I got one done 18+ years ago after having 4 children and my wife and I decided that we're done having more children (both of us were sad by that realization, but we both knew it to be true). For me, its 100% effective and no side effects. Just a thought.
Marriage life have a few very important pillars and sex/intimacy is one of them. There are many literary visualizations to google and most of them are quite good, but in the end, you get out of it what you put into it. I suggest you keep on working on this pillar in conjunction with others and figure out what's best for the marriage.
Feel free to posts updates and I'm sure the 7cups.com community will respond.
Best of luck to u and ur wife!