body count

@lakotalacole I understand this is scary. You’re overthinking this. Breath.

@lakotalacole

I realize that things are looked at differently in different countries or cultures ... you may think this is a huge number and you know you had sex hoping that would make others love you but now are aware that does not work .......

your past is behind you and overthinking or wishing what happened didn't does nothing but rob you of your life and happiness now..... take a deep breath and go on no one but you is keeping score.... let it go

It sounds like this is a very hard time for you, and I'm sorry that you're going through it. It's difficult managing a situation based on fears on past behaviour coming forward. I know, from going through something similar.

Adolescence is a time when you should be free to explore who you are and what you want. Typically we dont know what we want until we know what we don't want, is what I like to say. And if something bad happened from a place of abuse, that is not your fault. Wanting to be loved is human nature.

My advice, is to do what feels best for you. Even though that may be confusing right now. Your past doesn't define you. It helps shape you into who you are now. You're stronger because of what you overcome; it doesn't make you gross or easy. I guess that isn't really advice lol.

I'm new here, so I apologize if this was not helpful at all. I just want you to know that you're not alone. You did not do something gross, and you are allowed to grow :) You dont owe anyone anything. It is your choice to share your life with others, and be vulnerable with those you trust.

@lakotalacole

Dear Lako,

I am sorry that you have been through that. I understand how it can make you feel. It sounds like you have used sex as a way to get validation and love from men. It is totally okay. You did not know any better back then. Please have compassion and love for yourself.

I can understand how insecure it can make you feel. It is totally normal in your case.

If you are not feeling comfortable sharing your sex life with your current lover, you do not have to. People should respect each others privacy.

Practicing self - compassion and love can be beneficial to you in this case in my opinion.

Just keep in mind that your sex life does not define you as an individual. Body count is very personal issue and perspectives on it can change from person to person. Person who wants life with you and loves you for real will not push you for anything you are not comfortable sharing with.

I also understand your fear of him learning it somehow. It is okay to be scared in such case.

Important is you have came to point where you do not want to continue such life style. That is what is most essential. If you do not feel comfortable having sex too soon, you can try to set a boundaries.

Take your time to forgive yourself for things you have done because you did not know any better.

You can text me anytime you want if you want to talk about it further.

Best

@lakotalacole

While unfortunately we cannot provide advice, we can support!
You shouldn't need to feel you have to give a backstory. Your body count doesn't define you as a person, nor should it concern anyone. I am so sorry if anyone has made you feel that way. It is truly unfair how people think its any of their business anyways. You should not hate yourself over that at all.

I’m younger then that with one body count we were together for a while 3 years and he wanted to I didn’t he cried to me and threatened to leave we did it and then broke up later I can’t seem to feel whole again like he took something of mine that I want back and I can’t see myself telling other people and them wanting me but they do its just a number there is someone out there that doesn’t care because at the end of the day stuff happens that we regret