when your partner doesn't initiate . the pain of feeling unwanted.
we have been married for 6 years we have a 3 years old daughter, we both are working , from last 1 year or so may be more but from last 1 year since i have started noticing this i can not thought of a day when my wife initiated and intimacy or physical activity, the best she do some time is a hug or a micro second kiss, in start i thought its a libido thing may be i have higher libido and we talked about this in details that how she never initiate and how i feel unwanted i explained everything which i can , i explained i dont want sex every time you touch me or kiss me i just want to feel desired i just want to feel that you still want to kiss me want to love me thats it, i just want you to initiate ONCE in a while thats it . i just want her to initiate some physical love some intimacy once in a while. we have talked more than 5 times about this , i even cried once , but every time we talked she pretend to initiate for some day and i can tell that this is not naturally coming from her and she is forcing herself to do this and this brakes my heart. i just want to be loved sometime to feel loved sometime physically , its not that i am fat or anything i go to gym 5 days a week a am healthy i almost have abs and toned body , and on the other hand i love her to death i love her so much , i love her body i am obsessed with her beauty. i dont know what to do anymore, i dont see a point anymore, i do everything that makes her happy that i know of, i sometimes thought about divorce but it will ruin our daughters life. i dont know what to do.
@ajayadiajay
You say you have spoke to her about it several times. other then doing things for a few days what does she say?
Maybe for her to feel attraction it is more of an emotional connection for many women. How is your emotional connection?
It can be she thinks you know she is attracted and does not feel how you need that shown. Many couples have issues when someone assumes their partner does not need the same touch or small gestures even compliments that show they notices partner. it does cause an issue when a person does not feel attractive and wanted.
I have gone through every minor detail with her, what she wants from me what i want from her how should we deal this, i have asked everything i can think of , the only ans i got is “ you are overthinking “ thats its, is intial conversation she told me why she is off and i fulfilled every last of her complaint or the charges she wanted in me, but still , our last conversation was last sat morning i even cried and for 2 days she showed affection and interest and that it stopped, we have sex once a week or in 15 day only if i initiate, if i do not initiate it can go upto 1 month, i dont know it her body that doesn’t want physical intimacy or her soul or she doesn’t find me attractive anymore or i dont know what to make of it, i do t want to force her this thing on her bcz i love her I respect her, but she doesnt even touch me once in a while in a sexual way, i think she is done with me , i dont know what to do.
@ajayadiajay
Being ready and wanting to initiate can have so many factors NOT related to partner.
Stress kills a libido ... physical and mental health also can make some feel not comfortable with themselves... emotional connection was bad for me and partner. they tried to buy me things ( he likes/ i do not ) saying "it is my favorite" made me angry and I avoided any intimacy. They never understood bought more THINGS. i wanted emotional connection not junk .
trying so hard to FIX this and expecting consistent change after a talk and keeping score might be having the opposite effect. maybe she does not know what is holding her back. talk about other things besides initiating may help.
Sometimes this is where action and reducing household stress can really set things on a better path. I'm sure you already do some of this but try to take an even more active part in the cleaning and maintenance of the house. Try to notice the things that stress her out and reduce them. In time as she sees that the things that caused stress like laundry dishes and buying groceries is reduced she will be able to relax more and be more loving. Sometimes the duties of life get in the way and creates mental blocks that only time and effort can start to unwind. It can be hard to put that extra effort in but if you stay true I do think it will help!
Best of luck! I can tell you care so use that care and show up and show off for her
Sometimes this is where action and reducing household stress can really set things on a better path. I'm sure you already do some of this but try to take an even more active part in the cleaning and maintenance of the house. Try to notice the things that stress her out and reduce them. In time as she sees that the things that caused stress like laundry dishes and buying groceries is reduced she will be able to relax more and be more loving. Sometimes the duties of life get in the way and creates mental blocks that only time and effort can start to unwind. It can be hard to put that extra effort in but if you stay true I do think it will help!
Best of luck! I can tell you care so use that care and show up and show off for her
