19 years of marriage over????
I am reaching out for any advice. I have been married 19 years to my best friend who I love very much. We have been together for 21 years. We have had issues in the past but have always worked through our problems. This weekend we were at a friends house and we had been drinking heavily. I walked in on my friend kissing my husband. She perused the kiss but he kissed her back and touched her breast over her clothing. I looked right at him and then walked away. He says he is so sorry and has called to get an appointment for a therapist. He is not blaming the alcohol but was severely intoxicated. He claims he would of never did this if their was no alcohol involved. He said he is willing to do whatever it takes to repair our relationship and he wants to fix this. I feel very betrayed and am struggling to know what to do next. I feel very sad and depressed and my heart is shattered. I still love my husband very much but I can’t even let him touch me. What should I do?
@oliveCake5244
My heart goes out to you upon reading your post. Sending hugs and strengths. 🤍
Such event can be traumatic and affecting your responses to some particular situations/ stimulus. It will take time, patience and both of your resiliency to overcome it. Healing takes time.
I have no advice on my sleeve, but I'm wishing you'll find peace once again 🤍
If you want, click the blue text for 7 Cups self-help guide for traumatic experience and This is step-by-step path to reach forgiveness hope it helps a bit.
I can’t imagine what that must have felt like. I am so sorry that you are struggling with this pain.
I speak to you as someone who has been on the other side. It was a much shorter relationship than yours (7 years). We were completely happy. One night I consumed a lot of alcohol and went too far with one of my friends. I regret that night beyond belief. When my partner found out, everything changed. He wanted time apart to figure things out. I gave him whatever he needed. I sought my own help with therapy too. I offered whatever it took to make things work. That time apart led to forever apart, and I lost my best friend.
I would give the world for time to go back and for me to be given a do-over, a chance to not mess up the way I did. Perhaps your partner feels the same.
I’d encourage you to find all your strength to be the bigger person and give him a do-over. It won’t be easy, but perhaps it will be easier than forever losing your best friend.
Best of luck.
Thank you for your insight! It’s nice to hear another side. It’s obviously very fresh right now but he has admitted he has no attraction to this woman whatsoever and I actually believe him on that. He told me he has low self esteem but would of never allowed it to happened without being heavily intoxicated. He has vowed to stop drinking. I have not asked him to do that and tells me he is sorry all the time. I can see he is very tore up inside about it. It’s just really hard to forgive him. I want to but it’s very fresh and hurts so much. I really don’t want to lose my best friend but I also don’t want to be an untrusting wife the rest of my life. So tough……
@oliveCake5244- He sounds so sincerely apologetic, wanting to go to counseling etc. I would take him up on his regret and counseling. Letting go of the kiss and fondling he did may be the best thing you can ever do in your life if you truly love him. It will take time to trust, but each day passes after the other. Best of luck to you.