Am I fighting a losing battle?

@royalfairy

Hi. First, congrats on the baby. Second, I'm not sure I am in the position to tell you what to do but here's my two cents on this:

If he wants to make it work, he will. Empty promises are just that: empty. You cannot keep holding on to the hope that one day he might change. Or that one day he might honor his promises and make an effort. Your decision should be based on his actions, not what you think he's capable of i.e. his potential. If anything he has shown you that he does not have the potential to make this work.

As for your child, in my opinion, kids are healthier when their parents are individually happy and respected than when the parents are in a toxic relationship. You might want to think what staying in this relationship is going to teach your child. Everyday they're going to see their mom unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship with their father who cannot prioritize her. Eventually they will leave their nests and embark on their own journeys. You need to be a good role model of self-worth and self-love for the child to develop a healthy self-esteem (which is going to be the basis on which most of their decisions are made).

Good luck.

@royalfairy

Its never easy, im sorry life is this way, but it is like this for all of us, some just hide it well. Im guessing that you dont truly know what you want yet. Its hard when you have so much to consider because as we annalyze we change our minds, we become blind, we keep teyin like our hands are tied, and were tired, its hot like fire, burned by liers, human desires, confused and wired, over-tired. Step back and admire, then choose.

@royalfairy I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I think there are a couple of things to think about. Do you still want this child regardless? You don't have to answer, this is just something to consider.

Because if you do, you may have to think about whether this man is really ready to step up and be a father. He already has another child from another relationship: what kind of dad is he there? It could be he could be a really great dad to both children. It could be he is only a good dad to one and decides only one child/child's mom is important to him. He could flaunt off and be with someone else and leave both children and their moms alone.

Again, it's up to you but from your post he genuinely doesn't sound mature enough to settle down. He may be there for other people but he may not be ready to fatherhood, even if he already has one. And so that's something you may need to remember going forward.

Good luck to you and your baby. I wish you both the best.

@royalfairy

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months and last week we found out that we are pregnant. Within the 4 months I found out that he was flirting with his baby mama, (This is a red flag here, 4 months and he is already flirting with someone else?. This is an indication loyalty is not much of a priority to him, instead he craves the validation) he admitted to it and apologized. (This is nice and all, but if he did it once then he will do it again. He is already communicating through his action how he really is. I hope you made him work extremely hard to earn your trust) It makes me uncomfortable that they still talk but I know it has to be done for the sake of the baby, but I find it annoying that she calls at late hours of the night or early hours of the morning for no good reason at all, (This is a sign we are dealing with an impulsive, selfish, incosiderate woman. She expects him to be there for whenever she wants without showing consideration for the relationship you have with him) I spoke to him about it and he said he would sort it out (He probably said what you wanted to hear on order to stop the argument) but 2 days ago I found out that he still hasn't done that and the woman still calls at odd hours. (He lacks boundaries, and he went against what he told you. We are now seeing a man who can't be trusted with what he said because he will do the opposite. This is another red flag, because at this moment he is crossing one of your boundaries)

I do not trust him anymore and it doesn't look like his interested in us fixing that. (its understandable you feel this way, he is all talk and no actions)We argue every single day, he doesn't prioritize our relationship or me. (This is important here, he is not putting enough effort and investment in the relationship. The more you stay, the worst it will get because he is showing an inability to handle relationships) He is always willing to go the extra mile for other people and never me, we can't even spend quality time together because his mother this or his brother that. (He is making excuses to not spend time, and he has not separated from his family properly. His family probably make all the decisions for him, he goes along with them, and then the relationship suffers) We are always going in circles, we address an issue and he goes and does the same thing that I said I didn't like. (He is not respecting your boundaries, so at this moment its unhealthy to be with him) He apologizes all the time and promises to change but never does. (Actions are far more important than words)

I love this man, and in his own weird way he probably loves me too (His actions only indicate he doesn't value the relationship and the love you feel for him. I feel he is taking you for granted) and I don't want to not give our kids a chance to grow up with both parents. (I understand why you would say this, but the way he treats you is the same way he will treat the children, and then they will feel hurt in the same way you do) Yesterday I ended up breaking up with him cause I just couldn't take it anymore. (You did great here) But now I feel that I have failed myself, him and our relationship. (I think you took the self-love and self-respect route here because of the way he treated you. I understand that growing up people made you feel guilty and shame for making decisions for yourself, but your ex was only capable of hurting you and the baby you carry. You love him, but his actions shows he can't handle relationships)

Someone please advise me on how to handle this situation as I feel that I have exhausted all solutions. (It takes two to make a relationship, no one. You are putting all of the effort, while he is not investing. This can't be where you are trying so hard till you feel very depressed, no it needs to be where both sides put investment in the relationship)