Best Friend / Past crush Advice

@benzin

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Hello, so I'm struggling to understand my relationship with one of my best friends who is a girl. We've had an interesting past with conflicts coming between us two separate times when people told her I wanted to get with her (I do know that she was attracted to me at one point before we became friends). The first time we probably didn't talk to each other much for around a month and the second time for just a day. (Did you reached out first to her?, from the looks of it she wanted to put distance between the two of you) Each time this has happened we've become much better friends after. (Space and time apart made her realize your value in her life, but part of the problem here is that you are settling for just friendship) She's always known that I liked her but I don't know if she knows that I still like her now and I've been very careful not to tell anyone because of how much I value our relationship and I couldn't bear losing it. (I feel you behaving unatural here because from the sounds of it you like her and want something more, but at the same time you feel overwhelming fear of losing her which makes you settle for anything aslong as she is part of you life.) We are extremely similar people when it comes to our values and interests yet we are very different at the same time in ways I can't explain. She's told me that I'm one of her closest friends and I believe it in school because whenever we're in the same vicinity, we're almost always together however outside of school I sometimes believe differently. My friends and teachers see the connection we have at school and have said things to me and her I'd assume. However, whenever I ask her to hang out outside of school she usually either says yes and then something comes up (I could sense that you might feel disappointed about because you were looking forward to spending time with her, however she is being rude and not valuing your time enough. You should really look at her actions because she is not treating you properly here. There's a chance you are going along with maybe plans which makes her feel like she can drop the plans for something else) or she's just not available. (I wouldn't reach out first or invite her again after the way she has been treating your time as if not important) She has ADHD and has had 5 concussions so her memory isn't the greatest which makes me think that sometimes she just forgets but definitely not every time I ask. And when it comes to talking and texting outside of school we normally talk at least once every day.(The thing is she sees you as a friend and being too available with texting makes her not want to see you as much, and there's a chance you might be coming on strong because of the eagerness to connect with her) Neither of us uses our phones a lot so we don't talk a ton like some other people but for this entire week, she hasn't said a word to me since Saturday even when I've sent a message to her and I know she's talking to people. (I could tell you feel anxious and afraid during this time she has not message you, one thing to keep in mind is that you got to look closely at her actions not her words. I think its a bad idea to keep reaching out if she isn't responding to your message because it would make her feel smothered. I understand you care about her and want to connect, but you have to let her be the one to reach out when this kind of situation happens) On Friday I asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she couldn't because of a medical reason which I know with 100% certainty is true (This is just an excuse she is using to say no because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I know its an excuse because she didn't mention a definite time and day where she could see you. I also think by asking her out it makes your value in her eyes decrease because she didn't treat you properly when you two made plans before. She needs to be the one to bring up hanging out first, you should stop asking. I feel like this eagerness to connect and anxiety are the driving force that makes you ask her out) but she told me that hopefully, she can hang when she feels better. She hasn't said anything to me since and I noticed that she went out to a party a day or two after our conversation. (So she couldn't hang out because of "medical reasons", but goes to a party?, this tells me she is a bit of a liar and use these kind of lies to not upset you. This also communicates her integrity its not quite there and she is not treating you properly)The week leading up to this text conversation I had a weird feeling that something was off but couldn't figure out what because we just weren't connecting like we normally do and I can figure out what's going on for the life of me. (She is going to be incosistent with you such as; she will connect for a certain amount of time (3 weeks) and then she will start backing away which makes you anxious and then you might end up reaching out) Sorry if any of this message didn't make sense, I have a lot going through my head right now trying to make sense of this. (I wouldn't reach out first after the way she canceled plans and how she lied to you. I personally wouldn't make her a priority on my life because she isn't making a priority to spend time with you. I would wait 20 hours to respond to her messages and keep the conversation to 5 minutes because she doesn't deserve your time and effort at all. You being friends with her is not helping your case because she will see you just as a friend and will not want to hang out)