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@lavenderHickory6033

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things i would like to point out;

After a few years we were both single and he told me he loved me and we stated to become physical again. By this time we were in a relationship but not really in a relationship. After a year or so I told him I didn't want to be in this I between thing anymore so he needed to either decide to be with me or we'd just be friends. (Im glad you stated what you wanted because of the way he was behaving) He said he couldn't just stop talking to the girl he was talking to bc he didn't want to hurt her. (This is a sign he used a lie to justify his actions, and theres a chance he can't handle any closeness so he will always have girls lined up) We didn't talk for a few weeks after that but then we decided to try and work on being together. We finally got into a relationship ship but it was long distance because he got deployed. Things didn't last long and he broke up with me and didn't talk to me for months. His nephew passed away and he came home on leave and ending up staying with me for a month. While he was there he was saying we still had a connection and that he wanted to do all these things together when he got back home. (He says how you two still have a connection, but then he was the one who ended things with you. He projects a fantasy on you, and the moments he feels you have needs, wants and desires it is where he wants no part of it. He is not someone who is emotionally healthy to be friends with you or in a relationship) A few days before he left we got into a huge argument and he packed all his stuff and left. We got into an argument because I told him I was never a priority to him (Its understandable the way you felt this after how he was often back and forth with you, and you have every reason to feel the way you do) and he said he rather hang out with other ppl because I'm boring. (He is being manipulative here and projecting on you. The only thing you wanted was to be more of a priority (its understandable), and he decided to put you down and blame you for the reason you don't hang out...He is deflecting, distorting reality and blaming you (when in reality his back and forth is mess up). )After that we didn't talk for months until I told him I was moving. (You reached out?) He finally came back l home from his deployment the same week I was moving but he didn't even bother to tell me before hand. We started talking a little more after that but he was the one that always reached out. (This can be quite hurtful. He pursues you hard when he feels anxiety and has a fantasy, but then becomes inconsiderate when you two get too closed) He continued to tell me he missed me and loved me. (I dont think he is capable of loving because he is only focused on how he feels. I dont believe what he is saying) I decided we should go on a trip for Christmas and he agreed. While he was packing I saw a paper saying he was going on a cruise so I asked with who. He refused to tell me. (I bet it was with another girl. You caught him in the lies, and now he is refusing to be upfront about it.) I thought it was so weird bc we have always been open when we were seeing other ppl. We still enjoyed our trip (I can tell you are more focused of receiving leftovers from him, than paying attention to the way he is behaving and treating you) and the entire time he was saying he loved me and all that but we were in Vegas and he was drunk most of the time. After the trip I decided I didn't want to talk to him anymore bc it hurt knowing his actions didn't match his words. (Good, his behavior is very inconsistent, it will trigger anxiety and past abandonment issues) I called to tell him and he said the answer is no. He wasn't going to let me not talk to him but we could talk later because his nephew was with him. I haven't heard from him in a week. (His nephew could have been there, but he used this as an excuse to not have the coversation) I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else and sometimes I want to let go but other times I can't. (I want you to really think how love felt for you growing up. I bet love felt unpredictable, unresponsive, deceitful, uncertainty, not safe and many other things. You are only attracted and "love" him because it feels familiar, its a combiniation of your parents traits, so this often draws you in hard) He's been my best friend and the person that believed in me and helped me achieve all my career goals and life goals hid the past 7 years. I can't imagine him not being a part of my life but I also can't watch him be with other people while his telling me he loves me and is still in love with me. (True, its a tough position to be in and it can be extremely hard to walk away. He can't do relationships, his behavior will keep you in an endless cycle.) He had said he expects me to find someone better than him and that the girls he talks to are just temporary. (He is using them, and minizing what you are saying) I don't know what to do or how to feel anymore. (It's not a good idea to stay in contact with someone like him. Your time, energy, investment and love are three of the most important things you give, he is not valuing you or what you are giving. 7 years is way too long to be stuck in this cycle. How he treats you is not what love should be about)

@lavenderHickory6033 Just be careful online people will or can deveive you or lie to you and you said you met up with him before right ?