Clearing the air with a partrner's friend
My husband (Mark) has a friend that he's known for a few years, Joe. (He and his wife (Sue) are our neighbors) We don't hang out on a regular basis but we help each other out now and then with chores/pet care etc and Mark and he go away on guys weekends atv/snowmobiling a few times a year. This past fall I found out that part of their "routine" on these trips is nightly outings to the strip clubs. Joe goes there early evening and stays till close at 2am every night they are there, like clockwork. (This is a long story but was an issue between Mark and I that we resolved. In a nutshell I think it is a form of cheating and the compromise was he will still continue to go on the trips with the guys but promised to go back to the hotel instead of the clubs) Sue doesn't know about Joe's outings to the clubs and there is some tension between he and Mark...that I may discuss this with Sue. Joe has made several comments to Mark about it. While I don't agree with the whole thing, I have no intention of approaching Sue to let the cat out of the bag. If she ever came to me and specifically asked me I wouldn't lie, but also wouldn't give any extra details, and I'm not going to go out of my way to start any drama. That's between her and Joe. I have told Mark this but apparently Joe still has concerns. A few weeks ago was the first time Joe and Mark have gone on this trip since I found out about the clubs and Mark excused himself from going that evening. When he explained to Joe the reasoning (our resolution) Joes response was to encourage him to go because "she'll never know". I am considering contacting Joe discretely to let him know that I have no intention of discussing the clubs with his wife, that their relationship is none of my business...but that the club is an issue between Mark and I that we have resolved...that Mark wants to continue to go on the trips, but just won't be going to the clubs. I'd like to mention that I hope he can mutually respect Mark and I's decision and not continue to encourage/convince him to go to the clubs but will still continue to invite him on the trip. I don't want to damage the friendship, but I feel like I need to clear the air a bit so we all know where we stand. Anyone have any thoughts, advice or suggestions?
@determinedWalker5910
I'm thinking he may have to deal with his friend himself. I can see that being able to get the message across with your own voice feels more powerful but I don't know if it changes the general information.
It sounds like your husband said no and was being peer pressured. I would feel disrespected in a similar situation. Not to mention the friend sounds to be disrespecting his marriage and is advocating for it. He certainly doesn't come off confused about what's going on.
Some small information could be lost when your husband is telling you about this though so it really feels up to him to make sure he's being clear and reinforcing the boundaries. A serious chat with his friend to reiterate this might help but it's ultimately his friend and their friendship that probably needs a closer look at
