Did I read too much into it?
I've been in love with this girl for 6 years now. We are friends. Good friends. She is straight and I had accepted the fact that I would never have a chance with her. But a few months back suddenly she asks me one day if given a chance I'd ever date her. I thought she was joking and gave her an out of that conversation. But she insisted for me to answer her question. So, I like a fool I am said yes. Then she told me that she too would date me if given a chance but according to her, she is not good enough for me. That I would never want to be with a girl like her.
I was so confused by the fact. This gave me a weird hope that maybe these feelings are not totally one sided.
When I asked her if we are going to do anything with this knowledge that we both would like to date each other if given a choice and she told me that she doesn't know.
We never talked about this again. And now she tells me that she's dating this other guy and was indeed thinking of making things official with him during the time that we had this conversation.
I just do not understand if what she did was so very necessary to do. I was already okay with the fact that she would never see me that way, then why spring up this conversation out of nowhere and then just going ahead and dating someone else? I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her and yet she goes ahead and does this to me.
I don't know what to feel. I want to be mad at her for doing this but I also don't know if I read too much into that conversation.
@Lostsoul09030108
seems like an odd what if question IF she is truly ready to move forward with other guy ....... i would have read it like you seemed to also.
but sometime people do things for really odd reasons and do not think about the other person when they do it....
@Lostsoul09030108 Yeah I agree that is a random and strange thing to ask as a what-if. Unless she wanted a confidence booster or something but it's weird she said she'd also date you too if given the chance. That's super odd. maybe societal pressures make her feel she can only be with him and that it wouldn't work out between you two? or maybe she is afraid to lose the friendship? have you asked her why she would bring that up out of nowhere
Yeah. She said that it was just a passing thought. Something she thought about all of a sudden.
Given what she said as well about her not being good enough for you, it might be that she was feeling down at the moment. As a friend she thought of getting a confidence booster from you, like someone else said here. I don't think it was ill intended. But like others said here, maybe she was too into her own head that she needed a confidence booster and you happened to be the one there at that moment. I am sorry to hear she left you confused. I would have been too.
But as a girl who also at some point felt very confused about what she wanted, it sounds to me like she is going through something and you were caught in it unfortunately. Try to keep moving along and find happiness for yourself. She has already made her decision. Take care.
@Lostsoul09030108
When she asked you if you would date her - it may have seemed random, or sudden, because you didn’t expect any possibility of her reciprocating your feelings. But suppose she had for a long time been developing feelings just as you had, and that she had sometimes wondered what it might be like with you as a partner? From her response that she doesn’t think she is good enough for you, that usually indicates a self-esteem issue.
Furthermore, after having known her over six years - you never initiated the conversation (about your feelings for her)? When she finally initiated it - you were at first not taking her query seriously, and then you said you ‘would’ date her but did not ask her on a date or pursue any kind of immediate action.
When she asked you about dating, maybe she was hoping for a more affirmative, pro-active response from you? Keeping in mind her insecurity - Maybe she wanted assurance from you, that something could happen, and was even hoping you would initiate something? It seems to me that she might have been somewhat torn between you both (you and the other person) and that’s why she pressed you for an answer about the possibility of dating. When you merely asked ‘What will we do about it?’ Instead of asserting a plan to date her, venturing an intimate relationship, that seemed to make up her mind to become official with the other person.
I do not think she intentionally asked this series of questions to simply mess with your head. It’s possible; but you would know best of she is that kind of person to do that kind of damaging action to a friend of six years. Rather, I think she was actively putting the idea of dating you out there and hoping for you to take the lead, because for her own insecurities she was not comfortable committing herself to a relationship with you (despite initiating the conversation, it doesn’t mean she was confident enough to come right out and say/determine what should happen next).
Just an alternative perspective that you might consider ~ ^^
I have thought about this possibility as well. But everytime I tried to initiate or even hint about my feelings is always the same ' I don't deserve you' line. I have assured her time and time again. It's like she have put me on a pedestal or something.
For me her questions were really sudden and they caught me off guard.
Sounds to me like she was testing the water and when she said she doesn't feel good enough for you, you didn't correct her. She might have been hoping you'd ask her out then and there. And when you did not, she went on to date someone else.
How old are you guys may I ask?
I did correct her. Told her it was for me to decide who's good enough and who's not. She never showed interest in me that way. And I was okay with it. When asked suddenly about I was caught off guard. I was still unsure of what to do. Scared that it might ruin our friendship.
We are both 23 years old.
@Lostsoul09030108
Well, my advice would be just asking. Be direct. I mean... what have you got to lose, right?