Did she just lead me on?
so, my story is kind of long. I met this girl let's just call her "M", 2 years ago. Every year we have Japanese visitors in the Philippines. I had a girlfriend that time and she has a boyfriend. We never really talk that much except when I help her get another passport when she lost her passport here. 3 weeks ago she came back with the group. She came to me and ask me when will I go to Japan, I told her that I think it will be on October, she told me that she's really excited to see me there. After that night, I realized that I like her. So I told another japanese friend (let's call him "S") whom I consider as brother that I like her. After awhile I wanted to tell "M" that I like her but I can't, because I'm not sure how I'm feeling.
Before they leave the country, at the airport she gave me a letter. She told me that it's for me and thanking me for my kindness and she really wants to see me in Japan. After they came home to Japan, we started communicating. We even video chat for hours, she didn't want to hang up the phone first. On valentine's day, she made a yellow origami rose and telling me that it's for me. She wanted to see the sunset when she was here but couldn't see it, so I told her that if she really wants it, I could only show to her by video call. and we did. We even made a promise that we'll see it again here when she comes back. but then after a week of non stop communicating, it stopped.
I asked her what's wrong, or is she ignoring me and all I can get was sorry. I tried to call her and she got mad. the day after, my friend "S" told me that he likes "M" too. and he told me that he don't want to lie to me so he told me everything and he said he wanted to confess to "M". it took me 2 days to reply because I was confused and surprised. I told him that I respect his feelings and hope that it doesn't change anything. After I reply, he told me that they are now a couple. I didn't know what to do. I am still overwhelmed. What should I do?
What happened? I thought we really have something special. Am I too slow not to tell her? Should I ask the girl if It's true?
Thank you for listening
@J55 that's a bit complicated you said at the start you and her both had partners already but yet you and M talked non stop to each other till your friend S started having feelings for her too but what happened to your girlfriend and Ms boyfriend seems to me she doesn't know what she wants and was just doing it for fun I guess
@BrightRedFlower2322 that was 2 years ago. This year we're both single
@J55 how right now i get it sorry :)
@J55
I'm sorry you went through something so confusing!
Building any kind of relationship with people can be a very confusing and fragile process, especially when we start developing more feelings and don't know what situation the relationship is in. Sometimes we can read into something too much, or the other person just communicates differently, and everything becomes strangely unbalanced. It sounds like she was being friendly and grateful for your help, and sometimes people can act or say things that can be interpreted as more romantic maybe, because they are just so open and sincere naturally. It may have been that she realised you were viewing your friendship differently and didn't want to continue leading you on, or just lost interest in keeping up a long distance friendship.
Whatever happened, I think what you have left to do is really up to you; if you need a resolution, it may be helpful to simply ask her very honestly and non-judgementally, what happened, and maybe confess your feelings - explaining that you liked her and thought that the friendship was going somewhere. If not, I would simply move on. Some people just play around, and at the end of the day it's not worth spending too much of our time being confused about their behaviour.
@WildUnknown
I guess you were right. I tried to apologize to her, but didn't get any response. I think it's much better to let it go. I'm so used to being rejected that I think it's easier to let it go now
@J55
"She came to me and ask me when will I go to Japan, I told her that I think it will be on October, she told me that she's really excited to see me there." This part right here was her putting herself around your orbit, basically in here she was fascilitating things to go out on date with her, its why she was asking, and saying she is really excited to see you, this show high attraction for you. "So I told another japanese friend (let's call him "S") whom I consider as brother that I like her. After awhile I wanted to tell "M" that I like her but I can't, because I'm not sure how I'm feeling." In here you wouldn't want to do this because it could spread and she might hear your feelings from someone else rather than you. "I asked her what's wrong, or is she ignoring me and all I can get was sorry. I tried to call her and she got mad." This is the part where it messed with her comfort and safety, you must wait for her to reach out to you, and if she doesn't for a week or so then you don't ask her whats wrong? or why she is ignoring you? because it ruins the chances of her getting with you, it turns her off in a way, so it doesn't communicate confidence to her. "After I reply, he told me that they are now a couple. I didn't know what to do. I am still overwhelmed. What should I do?" Wait to hear from her, meaning don't message her first from now on, let her come to you.
