Don’t need help, just want to share my story.

@Silentlioness Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know a lot of people will relate (as I did!).

I’m sorry to hear that you can relate to it. It did hurt a lot. About two days now we have been in contact through email. We have each other blocked on everything else and although everything was said and done with. The more time passed the more I realised his narcissistic behaviour and all his actions, and why he did things the way he did. I figured him out and that hurt me so bad. Everyone around me had always told me: “let him be”, “he’s not worth it” “he will keep hurting you”, “he will never change”, “you need to stop this cause he will not, and this will continue until forever”. I replied always quite stupid and naïf: “he is not like this, he might be acting horrible towards me and I dont know why but he is not a horrible person.” I was always making excuses for his behaviour. And the hurt and pain from him continued. Obviously my friends we’re pretty tired listening to me when I came to them again with a story how much he hurt me this time and how it came so out of the blue, not. And he always came back. After weeks, months, he always came back. So he must love me. A lot of people left in my life, but he didn’t.

Now I know he did it because I needed to feed his narcissistic behaviour.

so becoming to realize he did it all out of other motives then love hit me hard. All puzzle pieces came together and I know I should never have contacted him about it or even tell him but I wanted so strongly to let him know I figured him out. And so I did. Obviously he denied it and obviously that was no suprise. In a couple of emails back and forth he tried to pull me back in. Told me I must be feeling very unhappy and that I must be not doing okay at all. Even though I never mentioned anything about me being unhappy. He also found the need to add that he himself was doing very well and was very happy. He told me I was welcome to always talk to him if I needed it. I was about to meet up with him (only for sex) and reconnecting contact when something really felt wrong. It was again an entire day without hearing from him and I felt the same desperation again like before: “why is he not saying anything?”, “is he with another girl/escort?”, “busy at work?”, “not even able to let me know a single word?”. It was only a moment of time before he would cut me off again. I would again always day in, day out keep hope that one day he will put effort in me. He will become what I always hoped for. Obviously that would never happen and the way towards the in my head made up “fairytale” ending would only cost me a lot of suffering, damaging my mental health, question myself all the time, once again. No, I would not let that happen. He already tried to break me once entirely and I will not let him try it again so he can finish what he started. I told him I needed to cut him loose and that I didn’t wanna proceed anymore contact.

Sometimes in those 4 years he told me never wanted to have a girlfriend and he was sick off every women cause all they did was making his life harder. I guess that was a lie because after I told him I’m not proceeding anymore contact he told me that it was fine because he’s moving to Romania anyway to live with a Romanian escort he fell in love with a couple of weeks/months ago. And that she is beautiful, a surfer, and a model. And big stories about how she pulled him into a van and had the craziest make out session and more. And that he still has sex with other Romanian hookers and oh well if it doesn’t work out with this one, onto the next and do the same thing over again. Obviously for him he is only seeking easy, casual, paid for sex with (beautiful) women.

I wished him the best of luck and closed my heart towards him forever.

Hello @Silentlioness hope you're doing well ^^ i read your story and thank you for sharing it with us. It is really upsetting what you went through although I'm glad to know that you've closed this chapter of your life. I'm also glad that you know what's good for you and what's not. Best wishes!