(Financial) Red Flag?
Last night my boyfriend admitted he was lazy and dependent on me early in our relationship. It made me question if this is something I should be careful of because while it is hard to "prove" and I don't want to feel like I am being used for finances and to provide stability for both of us. He has been injured for about 2 years now but we also have only had one car most of our time dating too. I feel bad sometimes for sounding mean, but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice or insight?
@cskyles32 It is a good thing that he was honest about how he felt early in the relationship, but it’s totally understandable for you to think about whether that dynamic will shift later on. Being supportive is one thing, but it’s also important to make sure things feel balanced and that you’re not carrying more than your fair share emotionally or financially. It is not mean to check in on yourself about this situation. If you don't then who will?
@cskyles32 I totally get why you'd be feeling this way. I think it's understandable that you feel conflicted and want to get some thoughts on his actions. What makes you think he is acting this way? I echo the other comments, you deserve to take care of yourself and your emotions too.
@cskyles32
Feeling like you're shouldering most of the financial burden in a relationship, especially when it wasn’t initially your choice, can lead to a lot of resentment over time. It’s normal to feel conflicted, though, especially if you care about him and want to support him during this challenging time with his injury.
The balance between supporting someone you love and taking care of your own well-being is delicate. It can also feel like you're being asked to sacrifice too much for the relationship. It's important to remember that your needs are just as valid as his, and it's okay to express your feelings without guilt.
@cskyles32
It is understandable, that his admission made you pause, especially when you have been carrying so much.
It’s not mean to reflect on how you really feel, it’s actually healthy!
You deserve a relationship which feels balanced and emotionally safe for both of you.
You are not alone in feeling this way!
@cskyles32 this can be very stressful, but it is good you are questioning and communicating your concerns
@cskyles32
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of mixed emotions around this, and that’s completely understandable. Hearing your boyfriend admit something like that can bring up questions and worries, especially when you care about the relationship but also want to feel secure and valued. It doesn’t sound mean at all to want clarity or to protect your own well-being — those are really natural feelings. With everything he’s been going through, like the injury and the car situation, it makes sense that the balance has felt a bit off at times. You’re trying to make sense of what this means for you both moving forward, and it’s okay to take the time you need to sort through those feelings.
@cskyles32 Hey, your value as a person is not determined by your bank account or your current circumstances, but it seems like your financial difficulties are negatively impacting your sense of self-worth and making you feel vulnerable to being taken advantage of. That's a terribly unpleasant and frightening place to be.
@cskyles32
It sounds like this revelation from your boyfriend touched on something inside you, and it is completely understandable that you would have these questions now. You obviously care about him but now it can feel like the dynamic might be shifting from the 50/50 you would expect in a relationship. His injury might have played a factor in this dynamic shift so it is important to keep that in mind. Feeling this way shows that you are trying to find where your boundaries lie within this relationship which is entirely normal.
What part of this all stood out to you the most?