Guess who I'm Dating? (age gap & distance)
Hello, I am a 20 year old female living in New Jersey and I am in an online relashionship with a 39 year old man.
Let me explain.
We met in November 2016 through a random phone call. I accidentaly called his number and for some reason, I felt a little adventurous so I convinced him to text me and be my friend. When we revealed how old we were, we agreed not to persue eachother romantically and stay friends. However, not long after that we shared a lot of common interests and had similar perspectives on life that really brought us closer.
By December, he confessed he had feelings for me and I did too. Despite also confessing some concerns I had about the idea of dating, I eventually decided it'd be best to at least try.
Currently, we are getting to the 6 month mark on our relashionship and he's been nothing but kind to me. The distance gets tough at times but we keep the romance through video chats and such. He even promised on meeting me where I live first so I don't have to spend money meeting him. He wants to show that he doesn't care about what money I have or my body; he truly wants to make this work.
So what's the problem you may ask? Well, my family.
The minute we confirmed that we would be together as a couple, he bragged about it to everyone he knew. He even told his parents. Meanwhile, only one person in my life knows of our relashionship-my friend/roommate in college-other than her, no one has a clue I'm in a relashionship.
I've held back for so long because I'm fearful of what my family-especially my mother-would think. I know that I'm of legal age (and he and I met when I was legal) but I still feel like my family would be upset knowing that I'm dating a man living across the country who is 20 years my senior.
Part of me is saying I shouldn't care because I'm not doing anything illegal and it's my life, but I can't help but feel like my family would hate me for doing something like this.
How can I tell them about this secret boyfriend of mine who I love so dearly? Is it too heavy of a relashionship to bear?
P.S I appriciate honesty, but please don't be rude. I know my relashionship is uncanny compared to most, but I believe in my heart that this man is worth my love. Thank you for reading <3
I realize your question was about telling your parents, not- should you be together. But I'd like to share some thougts, if I may
A 20 year difference in age is Really extreme. Personally I consider a 10 year age difference to be the Limit of what's appropriate. This gentleman is literally old enuff to be your father. Ppl mature and change as they go threw the various phazes of Life. You and he are at 2 Very different points. Meaning you may not mesh well, were you to live together
I'd also consider the future. Were you to marry, he'd be at retirement age when you turned 40. Do you really want to be with a 60 year old, on your 40th Birthday?
It's your decision. But I hope you look at the big picture, and consider the various factors that will affect this relationship
In regards to telling your Parents... I'd be nervous to. Don't expect it to go over well (i'm just saying it like it is) A Lot of Parents would absolutely Flip hearing that news. If you do tell them, i hope they are Very tolerant and understanding people
@ChromeLotus Thank you for your response! I know it will be tough, mostly for my mother since I'm her baby girl, but I guess what I was thinking when I got into this relashionship was that I should do what my heart wants to do. No matter the consequences that may come from it, I'm old enough to make these decisions.
I knew something like this would bother me and like I mentioned in my post, I didn't plan on dating him in the first place. I was just open minded to be his friend and nothing more. Yet now that I'm with him, I don't find it right to leave just because I'm fearful of other people's opinions.
I was in a relationship with someone 28 years older than me for seven years. The breakdown of the relationship had nothing to do with the age gap. It was difficult for me when my family learned about it, and they had a lot of negative things to say, but they warmed to him over the years. Now I'm attracted to someone 30+ years my senior. That's what I like; the heart wants what it wants; etc. I don't blame you for being hesitant to tell people and if you feel like you're not ready for what they might say, don't feel pressured to do it. The most important opinion is yours and if you're happy, that's what really matters.
