Help

@BlueFox369

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

So I've been having a hard time satisfying my boyfriend and I want other opinions on what I should do. I know that the problems we have sexually is because of me and my inability to gain enough confidence or balls to do anything. (I'm starting to think the issues could have to be more with him than with you, however what he says/do makes you feel guilty. You begin to feel guilty, and then your past is triggered which they made you believe everything was your fault) He initiates most of our sexual activities. (Well I do think he got you used to this, perhaps he felt nothing would happen if he didn't do anything, but he should have been patient and let you initiate it at times) And because of this he thinks I'm not attracted to him. (His insecurities and self-doubts are the main reason he feels this way, not you) I do love him a lot, he's my everything but if I can't satisfy him in anyway I feel like I don't deserve him. (Well if he is fueled by his insecurities and self-doubt, then its extremely hard to satisfying him because the issue is not with you, is with him. He is the one that needs to solve this, you could try to initiate at times, but then there will be something else that will come up) And eventually he's gonna leave or cheat. (Your fear of abandonment and feeling not good enough are triggering here, which makes you feel anxious) He's the first and only guy I've done stuff with. So yea I'm inexperienced, most of the time I don't know what the heck I'm doing and watching videos to teach myself doesn't help at all. (Its understandable, its like you want to do something, but you don't know what to do which is normal)

Well basically what I'm asking is if I should just break it off before he cheats. (This tells me "Im fearful is not going to work out, he will leave me anyway so I'm going to break it off before he even does this". Your fears and self-doubts are taking over you here) He admits to being a man hoe in his past and how if I do get boring he will leave. (A lot of your fears are valid because of what he said, it fuels your fear of loss) Idk if he really means it or not. It's really embarrassing for me when I can't satisfy him and I just feel like the lamest person ever.(Does he brings this issue often? if he does then it will make you feel bad and that you don't know what to do because of his words. I do feel he expects you to be a certain way on order for his insecurities to be calm) Idk what I should do.