He says he is confused and doesn't know if we are compatible?

@enthusiasticSpring4075 I think it might be difficult to say becuase you just moved. Are you one/both new students at college? It might be just a huge adjustment period for the both of you. New school, new people, new routines, new towns, etc.

It could also be that the relationship is reaching its natural end. It's not unusual for relationships to end when people go off to college: it tends to be very hard if you're not going to same school and even if you ARE (as in, same school and going to classes on campus), it can still be very difficult to maintain.

I'm not saying this to freak you out and telling you that it IS over, but just to point out that you have both undergone a major change (moving is huge!) and so right now you could both be feeling out of sorts because of that.

@enthusiasticSpring4075

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My boyfriend of 3.5 years has recently been confused about us. We just moved to a new town to go to college together, but we are living seperately. He is going to school on campus and I am doing online school. I wanted to move out so I got an apartment with my friend who is also going to the school. However, I wouldn't have made this step if my boyfriend didn't encourage me to. About a month ago, we got into some huge fights over our physical and spiritual relationships, and he didn't know if it was good for us to continue. He took a break from me for a few days but eventually the feelings wore off and we were happy again. (This does indicate he felt smothered for one reason or the other, wanted his space, and then felt separation anxiety which lead him to contact you again. I don't believe you two were "happy" again since it was some huge fights. He obviously felt something during those fights, so things were probably not okay after this) During the times that we are fighting I have horrible anxiety (i dont really suffer from anxiety at any other time) and it tends to linger even after issues are resolved. (You didn't get into much detail about this, but I'm guessing you felt anxiety because of feelings he would leave you and afraid of having conflicts/confrontations?. The anxiety tends to linger even after issues are resolved because it was not properly resolved, they were things within you that affected you and perhaps you didn't express how you feel entirely or you became afraid of this huge fights happening again) This thursday, we were out on a date having a good time as usual. That night after he left, I sent him a text just trying to vent about how moving out was affecting me, how I was worried about having a job and how I wanted to fix the issues we were having (easy issues to fix). (It's a bad idea to be discussing this kind of things over text, it should be done face to face.) He answers me saying " Am I always gonna be the one to push you forward to succeed?" (I can tell here he was dismissing how you feel and feeling frustrated of the things you mentioned. He was not focused on making you feel heard and understood, but rather on his own feelings, so this is going to make you feel disconnected from him. He shouldn't have say something like that to you) He is worried that I'm not a driven person and that I'm too dependent on him. (He is obviously trying to push you away in an unconcious level because he is feeling the closeness, and its making him feel uncomfortable. He is not the kind of person that you could openly share things and want support, because at times he will say things that will push you away) I say I don't understand how, I was simply just saying I was nervous to get a job and not that I wouldn't. (That's true, I thought his response was cold and rude. You only wanted for him to listen, but instead he did something else which probably hurt you) I don't have a passion in life yet. (That's okay, some people have taken over 20 years to find their own passion. It's important to take your time, and slowly you will find your passion in life) I'm a very private shy person and I don't talk to many people. My boyfriend is an extrovert who loves hanging out with people, has many hobbies, is very driven, and has a great job. He begins to say he doesn't know whether we are compatible or not, because I'm not driven. (That's just...He doesn't understand that you are both in a different place in life. He found his passion quickly, and probably expects you should do the same if not then you two are not compatible....it doesn't work that way. He should be encouraging you, not putting you down like this)

I feel like this is unfair because I just moved out of my house for the first time 2 weeks ago to a new town. It's fair for me to be a little nervous. (Its understandable, you are out of your comfort zone in a new place, so at times it might makes you have doubts and being unsure of things) I need time to find my groove, meet new people and find something I'm passionate about in life. (This totally make sense to me, you definetly need time to adapt and adjust to these changes) My boyfriend works for his father so he has never had to have a crappy job, so he doesn't understand how it feels to search or even be lost to find something he likes... (He expects people to be like him, if they are not like him then it means they are not driven or compatible with him. He lacks empathy and doesn't have many perspective about other people)he loves his job.

When he begins to say things that sounds like he might end the relationship (It does sound like he is looking for a way out) I completely freak out. (Your fear of abandonment, anxiety and insecurities begins to trigger here) He is my best friend and I am scared to lose him. (This tells me you felt abandoned and neglected at some point in your life, so you have become terrified of this happening. I can also tell your happiness and well being revolves around him, thats not the place you want to be) However this just adds more "pressure" onto him and pushes him away, I know. I make the problem worse because I am so scared. (I can tell your anxiety triggers when he says or do certain things, so you attempt to pull him closer, which pushes him away) I know it is natural to doubt relationships and some point and they go through different seasons. (Yes, but in your relationship he is more of the avoidant and you are more of the anxious. He will often do and say things to push you away, and that will trigger your anxiety) But I make him feel like this is unnatural and makes him even more confused. Right now we are on a break.(Good, i hope you don't contact him first) I am getting support from my mom and she is helping me find a path. I am beginning to see a path form.

Another thing to note is that the things he is bringing up as "problems" arent affecting our relationship actively at this moment. He is projecting his fears about me onto me as if they are causing issues now. (From what you shared, I can tell he has zero awareness of his internal world and lacks awareness of how he feels, so he will think how he feels has to do more with you than him, but in reality he is getting triggered because of his past issues) I simply need time to finish them out. He doesnt want us to be too dependent on each other, (In other words he cannot handle the closeness, so this is going to bring problems in the relationship. You will see how he backs away, then comeback, and then backs away again) however I never pressure him to spend his time with me, or tell him I am lonely etc.(It's important to confide and seek support in a partner, however if you do it a lot with him or seek a lot of reassurance then he will push you away because he cannot handle emotions or closeness properly, so he will say hurtful things such as "we are not compatible" or back away to feel safe in his space) I just fear that I have ruined what we have because I freaked him out by being too scared about things.