How do I heal from my husband's many indiscretions?

@pinkKiwi1901

I think you start by focusing on you. Work on being the best version of yourself. Set small goals. And little by little, you get YOU back. Baby steps are good steps.

@pinkKiwi1901

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My husband and I have been married 26 years. In the beginning of our marriage he was a huge flirt. Whenever we went some place he was spending most of his time flirting with other women, (This is a huge red flag, it shows he is willing to pay more attention to other women than you. This also shows he doesn't much intengrity and doesn't respect the relationship you two have) and acted as though I wasn't even there. I would tell myself that I was making too much out of it, as a way to just cope from day to day. (You did this to create reason to stay with him) A few years into the marriage I started to suspect that he was acting on his flirtations and having affairs. When I told him of my suspicions, he reacted by saying I was crazy, laughing at me, acting angry and denying it, and so on. (He is being rude and disrespectful here, this is not a partner you want to be around because they usually project feelings on you, minimize how you feel and have zero empathy)

But the signs were there and I just knew that I knew. I didn't think it was all in my head. Unfortunately, it lead to me sinking even further into my depression and there were times I came much too close to taking an eternal nap. Things were very bad. I lost friendships, family members walked away, tired of the roller coaster that was/is my marriage, tired of watching me fall apart and that happy-go-lucky person that was me, dissolve into a chronically sick and depressed shell of my former self. (You went through a lot and honestlyy you didn't deserve to be going through. What he did and how he behave definetly played a part on how you feel, but also don't feel good enough about yourself so it makes you believe that you don't deserve any better. You deserve far better than this, and he is not the type of man you want to be for the rest of your life because it will get worst if you continue with him)

Finally, after years of denying it and making me feel like I was worthless (I don't think anyone can make you feel this way, however he did things to hurt you. I do think you put up with a lot of his behavior and mistreatment) and out of my miind, he came to me with several health concerns he had. He was afraid he might have contracted something and wanted my help. (He really seems selfish because he knows he had an affair and is now asking for help...)

I did what was expected of me, (You shouldn't have done any of this after the way he treated you and decided to have an affair.) taking him to get a full physical. I was physically ill, disgusted, angry, so very, very sad & humiliated-I still am. (It's normal you felt this way after everything that happened) We live in a very small community where everyone knows everyone else's business. People know what he's done. I don't feel like I can escape his deeds. He's moved on, doesn't talk about it, hasn't apologized for it, (This shows he feels zero remorse for what happened and he is being incosiderate of how you feel) won;t talk to me, never said "why". (You can't tolerate this kind of behavior, he is pretty much giving you the silent treatment and punishing you. You cannot stay any longer on a relationship like this because it willl affect every part of your life) It's over and done and he refuses to even stay in the same room with me when I want to talk about it, to help me to heal. (He is being childish and not behaving like an adult here, so this tells me he is not willing to resolve things with you. You cannot be with a man who is showing zero interest in discussing things with you) But women he's been with- there are so many, and a few of thm live within a short distance of us. People whisper, point fingers, there's even been crude notes left on our vehicle/gate. Others have called me and gone into great detail, like they derive much pleasure in torturing me.

I don't know what to do. (Your only choice is to end this marriage because I don't see how this marriage would work with the kind of behaviors he is showing. It's not healthy for you to stay and invest in this marriage when all is doing is bringing hurt and unhappiness)

I can't move. I haven't worked in years, leaving the workforce due to health problems. Now as a result of anxiety/agoraphobia, I have problems walking outside my house. (I can tell you are going through a lot, and its hurtful having all of those things. I can also tell this are the reason you are using to stay with him, and let me tell you....you will only feel better about all of this when you are out of his life)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I want you to know that you are not worthless. I know what it's like to beat yourself up over not feeling good enough, or feeling like you're nothing because the person you are with doesn't understand your worth. You don't deserve to feel humiliated over his horrible choices, and the fact he chose to do what he did is not a reflection on you. You have put up with a lot and you are clearly a very strong person. No matter what decision you make, I hope you will remember how strong you are and remember you are not to blame for how broken down you feel. I hope everything works out for you, take care.

Many thanks to all. I appreciate that you took the time to read this and reply to me. I have been thinking about it a lot. A few days ago I tried talking to him again about all of this and especially my feelings about everything that has happened and how it has made me feel.

He didn't want to hear any of it. He sat still only as long as it took him to hear what I wanted to talk about, then made a beeline for the front door.

A few hours later, once it was too dark and cold outside for him to escape, he came back home. I was busy doing something else and he out his hand on my shoulder and said,, "I'm sorry for the things I have done in my dark past. But it's over and I don't want to hear about it anymore".

Then yesterday I was struggling with depression and anxiety but going through the motions to cook, clean, care for our daughter, etc. He'd avoided me since saying what he did about his dark past, not saying anything to me or having anything to do with me. I was a bit tearful (unfortunately, I tend to not let things go so easily, and have this internal dialogue going on. How I wish I'd have left, I am so stupid for staying, etc...) when he came before me and overturned the large pie cabinet, sending the contents flying. Just out of the blue. It was very weird, but I think it's just another way to control things.

As he was turning to walk away he stumbled over the cabinet he'd just overturned and fell, hurting his side.