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Husband - porn addict

User Profile: azurefly
azurefly May 23rd, 2023

Hello everyone. I would need some advice if possible.

I have been married for more than a year now, and since I got married I was dealing with my husband’s porn use every day.

My husband was watching porn and *** since he was 12, so its around 28 years now, he never had long term relationships, just relationships which lasted around 2-3 months and mainly online. He comes from a country where sex without marriage is not allowed, however it didn’t stop him having sex time to time at all. Anyways…

Before we married I knew about his porn use, and i was fine with that. He told me that after we marry, he will not watch porn. However, he kept on watching it couple of time every time couple, and of course ***.

We had a lot of sex at the beginning but slowly it declined. And now the situation is - we have no sex.

We always had problems with keeping him hard and making him ***. He always told me that porn helps him with these problems and that is why he wants to watch. In my opinion, the porn is the cause of these problems.

Shortly after we married I was already fed up with his porn use and gave him ultimatum to pick me or porn. He picked the porn. I stayed with him and tried to move on.

Now the situation is- he says he doesn’t want sex with me. Even if we try to have , he insists on watching porn in meantime or before ( I accepted couple of times his wish, but recently I rejected this idea at all). And he says that if i dont like something I should find someone else. At some point he said that he is not getting excited that is why he watches porn, and if I want to continue our relationships I have to accept porn as a part of our relationships.

I feel bad really. I love my husband and I want to have normal marriage but I cant find solution. I have tried to accept porn and just let him do whatever he wants but it gets harder every time. I hate porn in general, however I would not mind if he watched porn time to time, but not every day.

I feel like he rejects me. I feel like we are losing our connection and marriage in general. We argue about porn all the time and then we don’t speak for days. He was saying that he doesn’t love me anymore because we argue. After he said that he loves me, and after again that he doesn’t love me. And it is all the time like that. I think it is porn.

I really dont know what to do. I was thinking about divorcing my husband but is porn a valid reason for divorce? I dont know. Everything I know is that I want normal relationship. I don’t want a cold husband next to me who doesn’t even wants me.

1
User Profile: diplomaticEast1814
diplomaticEast1814 May 24th, 2023

if you have set this boundary time and time again, and he has not respected it or even tried, then he has a big problem with porn, and it has become an addiction/ problem if he can’t even get there without it. When you have him the ultimatum and he chose porn…..he made his choice. I feel like if this is bothering you enough and making you so unhappy it is a good reason for divorce. I would tell him that you are thinking of divorcing him because of his addiction, and if he doesn’t get help or try to respect that boundary you will divorce him.


I just want to say that no matter what you decide, don’t ever blame yourself, he does not treat you like this because it’s your fault, him not wanting to have sex etc. is all on him and his porn addiction. It is not on you, you have been trying and putting in your effort.



I wish you the best, you deserve someone who values you and wants to be with you and doesn’t choose porn or other things over you.