I Am Stuck but I Feel Like it's My Punishment
First time posting here. Sorry if this is too long or inappropriate but I have no one to talk to. I'm on vacation with my family and last night was the worst, most embarrassing night I've encountered thus far. We're at a sporting event and my husband get so drunk he almost falls twice, asks me the same question literally 20 or more times, and we lose him in the crowd for a minute. It would have been just bad, but put 10yo kid was with us. He then starts freaking out because he can tell I'm upset, asking if we're breaking up and all of that. He's literally crying over and over. Finally get him calmed down and we have 'fun' at the game. I have not spoken to my husband yet this morning (it's still early-ish).
The thing is, aside from last night (which has never happened before, so this is not about that at all. He drank too much too fast), I just feel like misery is what I'm owed or all I'm allowed. Several years ago I had reached out to an old BF and we talked regularly for.a while. Husband found out, we fought. I explained why I felt the need to reach out to my ex (at this point husband and I had not had sex in 3yrs or more. I felt completely undesirable and unloved for the longest). We 'worked it out'. I cut contact and we moved on. So pretty much, I am stuck, feeling grateful that my mess ups didn't end my marriage, but I have to take whatever is given. I could never leave, especially given how my baby reacted when he could just tell I was upset and trying to hold it together.
I'm stressed. I'm 49 in a sexless marriage, I'm trying to keep everyone happy and sane and together but I have nobody to do the same for me. I'm hurting so bad right now
@ShyBean0473 I'm in a similar kind of position where I've hurt someone really badly and have now ended up responsible for their life, to the extent that they've formed an emotional dependency on me. I'm trying to figure out where my responsibility to them stops, and why - I've done everything I can to make up for what I did and to push them towards help, but they keep on relying on me. I wake up afraid to check my phone and find out they've been hurt or worse.
I think the important thing to work out and discuss with them is what your responsibility to them is - which will probably need some kind of professional mediation or relationship therapy (which I myself am trying to get in my situation). It isn't fair that this is how things have ended up, but it seems impossible as the person in the wrong to stop others from exacting their revenge...
Thank you for your response. It helps to know im not entirely alone. If suggested therapy but he didn't want to go so I went myself 2x, but could not afford it and I wanted help with my relationship, not my own issues, so it felt pointless
@ShyBean0473
I do not know if it helps but there are many many of us in your same spot.
feeling stuck in a marriage that is not working and has not been working ....
i too am in a stressed out position in a sexless and frankly even friendless marriage ...... i have talked and talked with him ..... nothing in return but him playing the victim and so upset and sad ... BS
tried leaving but as most all finances together and i am not working at moment i am PISSED off to start over because he will NOT change.
find an outlet if possible ..... i have thrown myself into exercise and making him aware ..... i am done carrying the relationship
I need to do that. I have thought about throwing myself into exercise and just being like F him, lol! I know I've contributed to our issues, and I know it sounds like excuses (in corresponding with you ex) but I for real, literally just want to feel loved and respected. Im tired of getting rejected and pretending all is well. Yesterday at the game...if it wasn't for my son, I would have left him there (ugh, not really, but I wanted to). When we get home I think I'm going to try the exercise thing. I need get healthier anyway.
@ShyBean0473
at first it was a joke ... getting back to dating weight
but now it is empowering to see how far i have come and how much better i feel. i keep track with a fitbit... met friends on app and do challenges with others
now neighbors and people out and about take a second look ... feels good
and he is well aware that others notice... and his approval or interest means very little to me anymore
That is exactly what I need. So tired of feeling like this