I Don’t Know What To Do At This Point
Hey Loved Ones …. Let me start by saying this is my first thread and I am so very grateful that this app is even a thing … because just when I felt alone I started searching for help and this app came .. So thank you to the creators …
So about my relationship .. He and I have been together for 5 years this October … Prior to the relationship he and I were friends… It was obvious we liked each other but we were always friends…. Early in the friendship because we met online , he expressed that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and i accepted that .. A few months down the line , i ended up going to vegas and met a cute samoan guy that i was super into … shortly after that trip my boyfriend said he wanted to be in a relationship… At that point I had already moved on and then shortly after so did he .. We were friends until he got into a relationship because she cut off all his friends because she didn’t trust him (wonder why) … I hate to be mean but he wasn’t attracted to her and he said he only got with her as rebound when i rejected him … But in general i feel like that relationship affected him …
Moving on , they break up 5 months later .. Then a couple months after that he comments on my instagram post because i guess he unblocked everyone she blocked …. And it was like no time had passed .. We went back to friends and then eventually in a relationship… At first he was saying the same thing except that he wasn’t ready for anything serious because of what he had just gotten out of … I accepted it but then once again he changed his mind .. Only difference was I didn’t move on this time …
Fast forward … Literally EVERYTHING else in our relationship is GREAT , hun and my family , the chemistry , the intimacy , hun as a person with people and kids, the laughs , the music .. Im a singer and he’s a writer …. The only thing that’s messed up about him are his insecurities and his cheating …..
So that’s what happened .. He cheated .. When i found out , he begged me to stay and I did .. Months later we moved to the bay area together , we’re from Los Angeles … And out there it got sooo much worse… i literally felt like i was with two different people , because with me he was perfect .. but whenever he felt the need for instant gratification or to feel better about himself he would text someone , mostly text , but sometimes it would lead to more … then in those moments he was no longer perfect because it would affect home .. I’ve found him on countless apps , sounding so lame and not like the sophisticated , intelligent man i know him to be . I have a huge understanding of his background and how he grew up and the mental , physical and verbal abuse he received from his parents … And what’s crazy is , i can say the same about them … They have all those issues but are still great people , I don’t get it ….
So throughout the relationship, I’ve been happy because I love him and when we’re good , it’s the best feeling in the WORLD … but in the bay we went through hell … he was messing with older women , one of them was bat shit crazy , claimed to be pregnant , popped up at his job and all … yet i was strong and got through it all ..
in the bay we went from living on frat row , to college apartments , to roommates .. Part of me feels like he resented me .. because his parents were taking care of his living at first , but when they found out i was living with him everything changed and he had to grow up and we had to handle the finances .. and at first he was good with it but i feel like as time went on he felt a way … even though he hated being under his parents control …. There’s so much i could say about how our roommates played a role in the crap in our relationship … but This has been so long already , the bottom line is .. We’re back in LA , and he’s trying to be better now , but I just can’t seem to trust him or fully forgive him .. And because of that we argue and have issues , and then i feel more hurt because i’m dealing with the pain of the past and him not being able to just be humble in the moment … And i feel like i can’t always express my feelings without him feeling a way about it . But i love him and don’t know what to do anymore besides what i’ve been doing .
That's a tough spot to be in. I may not have ever been in the exact same situation, but I do understand when someone you care about and love hurts you more than once and the difficulty in forgiving them.
I could be wrong, but I'd think you need to take a good hard look at yourself and spend some time really thinking about what you can and cannot tolerate and for how long you'd be willing to put up with it. I mean establishing set in stone boundaries for yourself. I cannot tell you what those should be for you only you can do that. If you need to take some time and space apart to figure it out then do so.
You can definitely try to work things out and try to help him with his issues, but at the end of the day you should remember the only thing you have control over is yourself and your choices.
Just be careful to not end up in an endless cycle of forgiving someone for crossing a line with you for too long just because of some of the good things that came with it or it will start to be as if there wasn't a line by that I mean boundaries. Only you can establish what that is and what that means.
