I am not mad anymore just disappointed
We were togethor for 6 years.
I loved her more than anything I ever loved and did anything I could to make her happy, but we had a bumpy 2019 and we just couldn't see eye to eye and arguments sparked over the smallest things until we had a breakout. we did not talk for a few days and I tried to make things right but she was on tinder looking to date other people, it broke my heart as I was wanting to propose to her later in the year and was picking out the ring.
She kept belitting me and kept throwing me down and yet we were still togethor and talking and each time I contacted her it was not just browsing tinder it was chatting and from chatting to a meetup to then...
She did what she did and decided to tell me it all in detail to the point it just broke me. I was mad and sad and depression followed, I start hurting myself because I blamed myself. I know I was not perfect and I know I had my flaws but everyday I tried to make her happy. I had to remove all memories out of my life and so I deleted all our photos all the handcrafted gifts her made for me and anything that reminded me of her and it helped but i still had memories i could not just erase. The most painful part was we never broke up or i guess until she did what she did.
She contacted me 4 weeks later wanting to work things out and I tried everything in my power to man up and forgive her for the pain she caused me and truthfully did not know the correct way, well in those few months I was the worst thing to be in her life yet once again, and let me tell you the second time hurt me more the things she said was to the point i just brokedown.
And now I sit here missing her to this day and I don't know why. but im no longer mad at the things she said and did, im no longer mad at the person she became I am just disappointed. And I am honestly afraid of ever dating again.
@patientBanana4085 It sounds like an extremely traumatizing situation to go through when you've given so much of your time to someone and things have fallen apart especially when you were planning on spending the rest of your life with her and trying your best to make things last. Your lingering feelings of missing her make sense because even if someone is incredibly hurtful to you, it's hard to only feel negatively about them because initial anger is just a coverup for pain and dissapointment.
I'm proud of you for being vulnerable and being self aware enough to write about your dissapointment towards what she did to you. Even though you're lonely and understandably devastated by her actions, learning from both the positives and negatives of this relationship may be useful. Sometimes the brain covers up the worst feelings and memories so we can go through things with less pain and even though its easier to see the past through rose colored glasses and want to forgive someone, it doesn't always mean we should.
Giving so much of your life to someone helps justify going back to them but if things don't work out and toxic patterns continue, the most likely situation will just be continued pain. Building trust again once its been broken is hard and although I wish you healing, I feel like only time can bring that on.
What I can say is that you deserve a loving, loyal partner who puts the same effort towards the relationship as you do. You deserve to be respected and broken up with properly even if the relationship is falling apart.
It's alright not to be ready to date yet because you still need to process the pain of the breakup. Its mature to be patient with yourself and give yourself the necessary time and care to heal. I hope you feel better in the future and can feel proud of yourself for learning to let go, as slowly as that process may happen.
@patientBanana4085
That sounds like you are a rough time! As a young participant in 7 cups, I don't have much experience in heartbreaks but i have had one heart break. And it hurts. And you keep on thinking about them all the time. It's tough, and reading your post I can tell you have tried hard and no one is perfect. I can tell you tried making this relationship work but it just hasn't worked. But everything happens for a reason. Maybe she wasn't the one. I know why you might not want to get involved in a new relationship and ofcourse that's okay. Plus it takes time for your heart to heal. You don't have to suffer alone, go talk to your friends or even family. And you have to remember, you can have fun without her! Don't weigh yourself down thinking it's your fault. I'm sure down the line, even she made mistakes. Although in this case it might me her fault. It's difficult getting through this break up but you'll make it! Maybe you'll look back at this and realise it wasn't meant to be. I hope you get better soon. Try not to isolate yourself and talk about what you honestly feel to your friends and family. It all works out in the end...i promise! Good luck!