I broke someone's heart

@sunnyIdea7122 Maybe you should talk to him. Share your thoughts on the fact that you don't think things would work out. Apologize for hurting him. If he says he moved on then apologize and move on and if he isn't over you then come to terms where you could just be friends or talk once in a bit if he wants, but i think it's good if you share your reasons of breaking up so he can understand. Hope things get better soon x

@sunnyIdea7122

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I met a guy a year ago who really liked me and was ready to do anything for me. Few months in, we got into a relationship. However I never felt that excitement and chemistry and high feeling that everyone gets in a new relationship. (This could be a sign he was coming on so strong at the beginning and projecting unmet needs on you) I slowly and deeply loved him, but however I always had this gut feeling that he wasn't the one. Several months later, a discovered his biggest flaw: anger issues. (This is a deal breaker in relationship because theres a high chance he won't be able to control his anger and then would lash out at you. The anger issues would have cause even more problems on you and your mental health) Being a highly sensitive person, even the smallest change in tone would bother me, (Its understandable you would feel this way, this is also a trigger from your past childhood. They were probably instances where people raised their voice on order to maintain control or to punish you, so his behavior triggers anxiety within you) so I totally broke down when he said hurtful things in anger. (Its normal the way you broke down, you didn't deserve to go through this. I can tell he was abusive and would say hurful things to push you away and to punish you for what he perceived was wrong) Later he would apologize deeply and make up for it. He loved me more than anyone ever would. (This is a sign of regret where it makes you think back about him when you feel a certain way, but the reality is that his love is unhealthy for you. I bet it was inconsistent and didn't feel safe) After several episodes of anger bursts and chances I gave up and broke off things with him. (Im proud of you for making this difficult decision. He was abusive and din't change at all, so it was normal that you ended things with him.)

He apologized and said he would do anything to get me back. (Sureeeeeeee, he would have shown the anger issues again if you had given him a month or so) He said i hurt him too several times but he won't give up on me. (This is a manipulation, and he is not even holding himself accountable for his actions. In other words "Yeah I hurt you, but you hurt me...but even still i won't give up on you". This is the kind of person you would always walk on eggshells and feel disconnected)

I cannot live with myself after breaking his heart. (I can see it wasn't an easy decision to make, but you did the right thing in ending the relationship) He truly loved me and did so much for me and I feel like a bitch. (He only loved himself, didn't see how his actions affected you, blame you, was abusive and would make you unhapy). I destroyed a person and might have scarred him for life for my own needs.(Your needs, wants and how you should be treated is very important. He mistreated you and didn't change his behavior after you expressed yourself, so it was normal you would end things. I can see that growing up people made you feel selfish for asking what you need or going for what you want, but its not selfish. You put yourself first in a situation where your ex was treating you poorly, and you set healthy boundaries and he didn't respect them, so it lead to end of the relationship)

I m afraid karma will come for me and no one will love me that way again

@sunnyIdea7122

Hey, Sunny!

I'm going to jump down to the last part of your post and give you a few different perspectives on it. Verbal abuse is damaging to a person in more than one way. It destroys your self-esteem and makes you feel like you are incorrect for everything you do. Do you think that perhaps the times he got angry, he made you feel like it was somehow your fault, despite apologizing? If so, there's a good chance as to why you feel like "karma is going to get you" for breaking up with him. That's part of what is referred to as, "gaslighting." It's a manipulation tactic that makes you question your sanity or judgment. He probably isn't aware of what he was or is doing, but it's still nonetheless, abusive.

The philosophy of karma isn't meant to make you feel guilty for making a decision that was on your best interests. You provided examples that would be more than enough for someone to break up with their partner. If external chastising karma rested on that, everybody would be experiencing "karma" and thus make karma invalid since there is no scale to the rewards or punishment you receive. That's my take on karma, but since it's a Buddhist belief, this would also be inaccurate.

Buddhists believe that karma is not of an external force of punishment (like a God condemning us or chastising an individual), but that we actually control the karma we receive because we are in control of our fate. So, in theory, if you stayed with your ex despite being unhappy and abused, that alone would make up as "negative" karma. So, one could pose that you positively changed your karma by making a decision that was made for your happiness and peace. I'm sure you had some good memories with him and I know that can be difficult to remember. However, the relationship seemed to be getting toxic and for that, you should not feel guilty.

I hope this helped a little, just continue the path you have chosen and don't look back! <3