I don’t know how I feel
A couple of months ago I got out of my first serious relationship and the break up was awful. He took me to where we had our first date to break the news and I can’t even be that mad at him because, looking back, I think he had some serious mental health issues too.
I haven’t been diagnosed with anything and I didn’t want to try therapy because I might be taking up the spot of someone that needs it more than me. College is starting again so I thought id be happier seeing my friends but it’s almost like everything I loved to do or gave me pleasure before just doesn’t anymore. I’m crying most days without really knowing why; maybe this has to do with my ex? I also got my first job over the summer which is awful (I’m sick in the toilets on my break because I’m so anxious all the time) and it’s got to the point where I just can’t deal with the rude customers anymore.
And I’m sleeping during the day which is really concerning me because that never happened before.
The managers keep swearing at each other and I had an anxiety attack to which people said, “Why? She’s only on drinks?” And every day I keep thinking about the guy who hurt me and I don’t know if I miss him or hate his guts.
I don’t know what to do to go back to the old me because I know the way I’m feeling just isn’t right.
ps, I’m very sorry that this is so long.
It is totally normal for you to feel all of these emotions, even if it is months after a break up. He was your first love. Everyone’s healing process is different. If you feel like you need to go to therapy, that is already a big step towards getting better. You’ve acknowledged that you need help & your problems are not any less important than the other people that attend therapy. Trust me, it might be really beneficial to talk to someone about your problems. Also, try not to blame yourself for how you feel. You are going through a big change in life that wasn’t expected & it’s okay to feel all of these emotions. Like I previously stated though, if you are concerned about your mental health, therapy may be a great option or just finding someone to talk to!
My messages are always open!
Sending love your way
Hi!! I’m about your age too and kind of going through the same thing. First off, don’t think you don’t deserve therapy just because you might not have it as bad as others. You’re allowed to feel whatever ur feeling and there are plenty of professionals to go around! I’m not sure how long your relationship was but either way I know it sucks. Taking you to a sentimental place to end things? That’s screwed up. Whether or not he has mental health issues, you deserve better. It sounds like your not letting yourself go through the motions of the breakup. It hurts and it will for a little bit. Find comfort in your friends, family, and ur future. You’re at college now and if going out to the bars makes you more lonely than happy (which is what im finding to be true), then just stay in once and start a new series on Netflix that makes you feel better. Try to focus on ur classes and really think about what you do when you want to get out of college. That’s what is helping me the most right now. Your life is so wide open and ur only getting started. It makes me really excited and makes me feel better thinking about graduating and going to grad school or studying abroad. Even thinking about planning a trip to the beach with friends soon. I promise you it will all pass! Try not to blame yourself for anything that happened. And also something that I find helpful is just trying to desensitize myself to the relationship. Like just sit down when you have free time and look at old pictures or memories and just let yourself cry and let it out. It will get better I promise! If you need anything, I’m always here
