I have no desire to talk to anybody nor do I desire friends, what is wrong with me?
As long as I can remember, I have had little to no desire to talk to people. I remember when I was a kid (maybe 6 years old) I would be happy when there were other people around me to do the talking for me because I just didnt want to say anything unless there was something to say and most of the time I dont have anything to say to people.
I had a friend who always asked me why I dont go online to chat with him. I made up excuses, but to be fair, Its because I never wanted to. I always preferred to do anything else but talking. And so I felt like that friendship restricted my freedom. I feel like that any friendship will. As the years went by and we moved to different countries, I eventually stopped talking to him all together. I just didnt want to.
Im at university now and how no friends, just people I know and say a few words to if I meet. I dread meeting people in settings where I cannot leave when I want to. For example, I hate meeting somebody I know on the bus, because Ill have to force myself to talk for the entire bus ride or be quiet which can get painfully awkward. I just dont have anything to say to people. If they say something interesting, I might ask a question or two to satisfy my curiosity but thats about it. I find that the more time I spend with people, the more I eventually start to avoid them. Its like I dont want any close relationships...I dont want my freedom to be limited nor do I want to talk to them. I dont hate people, I care about them, but I have nothing to say to them. The only person I care talking to is my brother yet Im often quiet even around him.
I just dont like being this way. It makes life difficult when conversing with people always feels like a chore. I cant even look people in the eye that much, its too weird or I find I loose focus on what theyre saying and only focus on their eyes. Ill add that I have social anxiety but aith the exception of the eye thing, I have always bren this way. I even remember being annoyed when aunts and cousins would talk to me while I was sitting and minding my own business. I just didnt want to talk to them.
@Wanonymous
Hello, it's important to open up to people, maybe go visit a therapist. It would be helpful.
Literally I don't know what to say. Usually people like connecting and communicating.
@Wanonymous I can relate to this. My friendships have faded because I'm definitely someone who doesn't NEED to check in on a normal basis but am happy to pick up where we have left off. I understand why other people are not like this, but I just don't really feel the need to socialize and what not (it's difficult, scheduling-wise, too!).
I'm not sure what the answers are, if there are any. But I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
@Wanonymous
You write well. Chatting or online forums (same style as this one) are full of ppl that are communication this way. There are lots of reasons, but one of them can be that the person feels awkward talking to others or does not have anyone else that they think will talk with them. So this is a great place for such questions, and if you looked at the rest of the forums in this site there are so many different topics.
One of the common fallacy is that we think each other should behave and think the same as we do. But... they don't... It is why really smart ppl in leadership positions surround themselves with others that think differently. With any luck someone will have the right answer to any issue if considering the ideas from ppl that think differently.
There are some cool tools in this site to help advance personal communication skills. Suggest you consider them and also continue to use this forum and the others in this site for any topics you are interested in.
I know other ppl with traits like you describe. Some of them I like others not. Being talkative is not what determines a person.
One idea if you have time is to look for any volunteer situations that you might do. Many times the ppl organizing volunteer activities are really good at helping to integrate the volunteers.
You can change if you are motivated enough. I would not say get better, because it doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with you except a desire to learn social skills.
There are some medical diagnosis that can fit with what you describe. But even then, I know very well someone that has learned a set of social scripts and triggers and as a result no one treats them any different than other ppl and she wins at almost everything she does.
Good Luck
@Wanonymous
Hey there WA,
This sounds like a tough situation to be in. I can definitely understand the need for silence, and to just be left to one's own devices without having to worry about sustaining what might feel like are meaningless interactions.
I'm not sure if I would say there's anything wrong with you -- it honestly might be that you prefer solitude above anything. You've reached out here on 7 Cups, knowing that you more than likely would get a response to your post, and you still did it anyway :) This means that you do understand that at the base of it all, people still need people, whether they want them or not.
Personally, I find myself to be a very practical person, to a point where it hinders me in Life. I don't like talking unless there is a point to be exchanged between myself and another person / people. Chit chat makes me want to find a dark hole to hide in, and talking about the weather makes every pore on my body cringe with irritation.
And yet, I chose to join an online community whose entire point is to talk with one another and help each other get through difficult times. I can do it because there's a purpose to the interactions, and that emotionally justifies my presence here.
It honestly also might be that you haven't yet met people that you've considered fascinating enough to maintain a verbal connection with. There are people that I've met who were so interesting to me, I sat and talked with them for 4+ hours, and happily so.
If that's the case, or a reason for your discomfort about spending time interacting with other people, then it's really okay to know that about yourself, and to accept it as an aspect of your personality. You aren't doing anything wrong with keeping to yourself, if that's how you feel most comfortable. But, please don't add to the separation if you do come across those that you think could be of interest :)
P.S. - If you'd ever like to chat, feel free to message any of the awesome listeners here on 7 Cups (myself included!) at any time.