I have no idea what this girl wants from me…
I was very close with my ex best friends sister, we’ll call her M. So me and M started becoming seriously close from December 2019 to Mid-June 2020 (because we were friends in 2018 but we stopped) I started catching feelings for her towards the end of June. Again long story short, she wasted my entire time the whole summer last year, got into a car accident at the end of august, ghosted me for the whole month of September , texted me back on the last day of September and ghosted me 2 weeks later in October and we didn’t talk for 8 months until 6 days ago when she wanted me to add her on her new snap. (Side note she was acting weird with me like 1-2 weeks after I told her my feelings for her all throughout July and most of august before the accident). Once me and her sister’s friendship was falling apart M would confide in me. Telling me she would never hurt me and if she got a boyfriend we’d stay close (because M’s sister was my ex best friend and she was like a sister to me but she got a boyfriend and ended our friendship) Throughout those first 6 1/2 months of our rekindled friendship, Me and M talked all the time and we just developed something special. A much much different relationship than what me and her sister had. With her sister, I was like her big bro. but with M it was like we had a close friendship that sometimes would spark some sexual topics at times but we never went through with it. At times I do regret telling her my feelings because maybe then we’d still be close and i won’t feel the way I feel about her now (I have ill feelings towards her) I mean she told me everything. All the worst stuff that happened to her. Her getting beat and raped by her ex, cheated on multiple times by other ex’s, losing best friends. She opened up in a way where I never thought a female could open up that much to. Her sister opened to me all the time and told me everything but M went through worse. Idk. I guess I gravitated to her in a more relationship-ish way because it hurt me to see she went through all of that. And I wanted to be that guy that changed everything for her and made life better. And now that I’m thinking of it, apart of it was me trying to feel a void of losing her sister but a bigger part really did want more with M. M would always tell me how she never wants to lose me. Even when she would do stupid stuff she’d be like “I have to tell you something but you have to promise not to be mad” and I’d be like why the hell would I get mad haha and then she’d tell me because she didn’t want to lose me and that she loved me too much and don’t want nothing to happen between us. Everything was good honestly… Then I told her my feelings. And it went downhill. She was initially acceptive of it. The first two weeks she would tell me how she thinks about it a lot and how she was falling in love with me and etc but then would just play these weird games and yeah. Telling me she was in love with me but it’s scaring her because she never had a guy love her like I did and she was scared that our friendship might suffer. Then she said she was in love with me and her ex and she needed to fall out of love with him. It was just so much that happened over the summer it was overwhelming. I never pushed her to date me. I always told her to take her time and that we can talk things out and that I’ll wait for her as long as possible. I wasn’t in no rush. But she just made things more difficult.. I would ask her to talk and she’d agree but it would never happen because she was always going to hang out with her sisters or friends. She even asked me herself if we can talk and I would agree and she still didn’t call or anything. It was just depressing… And now shes being weird with me. Like we don’t talk for 8 months right. After she stopped talking to me in October 2020. 6 days ago was the first time we talked in 8 months and throughout those days. She told me her life has still been really depressing, I gave her advice about how to focus on herself, she thanked me for the advice and told me she loves me and now she’s just not even texting me back. I haven’t talked to her at all today or yesterday. But I can see her posting on her snap story and her score going up. Like what??? Then she texts me like an hour ago telling me “I’m sorry I was sleep all day hungover” like okay dude…
@turquoiseCamp6389,
based on what you posted it seems to me she doesn't want anything from you. You're looking for any signs that you can use to create a story about her. I say "I love you" to my nieces, my sister, friends. So what? Doesn't mean that there might be a possible some sort of romantic relationship.
I'd put my energy elsewhere if I were you, and stop communicating with her (or it must be that you like to torture yourself).
Love your true self, If she pops up in your head, take deep breathes, until you feel more relaxed, and let the thoughts go. Those thoughts are not serving you.
Take care.
Maybe she's just too scared? If one had gone through and lost many precious friends and relationships then it would be so hurting to see it happening again and again. Think of it she was abused and went through horrible relationship. If I were her I would prefer to stay single than go through all this pain again. It's hard to trust someone at this point. Because they have been hurted trusting others blindly before. So it's hard for them to fall in love again because at the end they just suffer a lot and wish they haven't started all this. Just ask her what's wrong. She may not tell in one go. You have to reassure her that you care for her and always do the same. She maybe having a hard time expressing her feelings and may feel sceptical about what you think about her after she tells everything on her mind. She may fear her sister or someone may not like her if she starts dating you or maybe she's just too afraid of something. You have to ask her! We can't make all the assumptions in our head! Make her feel comfortable it may take 2 or 3 days too but she will definitely open up. If these were not the cases and you got clear that she just don't have any feelings then you can move on. Give her the last chance. Take care of yourself too. In search of helping others one should not lose their own self. Think rational and be compassionate! Hope everything will be alright soon.
I am like her because I too say the same words I have something to tell you but you shouldn't be mad. I say this because I fear losing people too. So I thought what makes me do all these things and answered to this post. This may or may not be the case I'm not sure but I feel like she needs some help. Only you can find that out.
@turquoiseCamp6389
She is just not interested in you romantically. You've been friend-zoned, and her distance is because she doesn't want to encourage your romantic feelings for her, but she still wants the friendship and confidence she has with you - just not anything else.
You were friend-zoned, likely because you came out with your feelings for her. In the future, allow romantic feelings to develop naturally. By confessing your feelings for her, you made everything awkward and she over-reacted and did what women do when they have weighed the pros/cons and determined that there isn't anything more than friendship possible.
I wouldn't hold out any hope for anything more than friends, and I'd invest in building a romantic relationship with someone else that is wanting more with you, invests time, doesn't ghost, and spends the effort with you MUTUALLY.
You'll likely find that you're simply wasting your time with her, thinking it's going to turn around in your favor but isn't likely to happen. That is just how human relationships are, especially with male/female relationships.
Hopefully, you'll learn valuable lessons from this and not repeat them in the future.
Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants or how she really feels. You can choose to stay on this rollercoaster or get off. I know it is so hard when you love someone because you just want that contact, any contact. But self preservation mode has to kick in some where. Hugs!