I hurt my husband and destroyed our trust. Any advice welcome
My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years now but we've been best friends for about 6 years. He's seen all my highs and lows, my pervious relationships and all my mistakes. Just a little history about me, i have never been fully faithful in a relationship until i met my husband. and all of that changed and i never wanted to be with anyone except him. We are both military but his job requires him to deploy where as mine does not. He's been deployed a few times, but this last one really challenged me. about a month before he came home, I cheated on him one time and felt so sick after. but then the guy i cheated on him with just gave me all the attention i was not getting from my husband. We had stopped flirting with each other and i just felt like i was not receiving the attention i wanted but this other guy fulfilled that. unfortunately, i never grew up enough to have a conversation about that to my actual husband. i was afraid to say that i needed more from him. He came home one day and saw messages on my phone from the other guy and i just spilled and told him everything. Cheating was the only thing he said he would ever get divorced over, but because he loves me not only because i'm his wife, but his best friend he gave me a chance to prove how sorry i am for this and how i never want to do this again. I feel sick that i betrayed him like that and can't believe i couldn't control myself enough to not cheat and even more upset with myself for not being able to have a simple conversation with my husband about what i needed. I’m trying everything i can to make sure i prove myself to him because i never want him to feel like this and i could never do it again. what i am mainly seeking advice on is why do i keep doing it. i have a history of cheating, whether in a labeled relationship or not, but i just enjoyed the attention so even though the physical affair was over, i kept this other guy around for the emotional affair. Is it that i have a constant need for attention or that i can't let anything good happen? i'm trying to figure myself out so i can make sure this never happens again. help!
Hi @sunnyIdea4997
Sounds like you and your husband really love each other and you want to change by understanding the root of the issue ♡
Your idea of self-discovery sounds great. I'll ask a few questions, and you can answer per your convenience.
○ What is the fear that's been keeping you from communicating your need to your husband?
○ What feeling you get when someone attracted to you and or romanticize you?
Or perhaps, fill in the blank:
When someone shows romantic affection and attention, they usually do/say _____(1) which makes me feel ______(2)
And feelings associated with (2) is _____ and _____ and _____(3)
All the best!