I keep blowing up at my family
Hi:
Long story short, I grew up in a dysfunctional family where I was the scapegoat and the black sheep. Yes, my parents were very abusive to me because I have a disability. All the while, I picked up some really bad habits
1. Becoming hostile
2. Threatening my immediate family
3. At times, I would get very violent
Though I have gotten away from them, they still manage to treat me poorly which sometimes triggers the anger. At times, I resort to my old ways and say mean things to my family
Is this common when breaking away from abusive people and breaking the cycle? I want to get help and I don't want to keep punishing my family for the way they treat me.
Dear @Summershy,
I am so sorry to hear that your family has treated you like this. I guess your behaviour towards them is a result of that. You said you got away from them, so I suppose you still keep in touch and then that's when you say mean things and stuff? Sometimes the people in our lifes are more toxic to us than healthy. I think it's important to always put your own safety and health first. Is there any way you could improve your relationship with them on both sides?
I hope you'll find your way.
Best wishes,
Daphne
@DearDaphne
I got away from them years ago and I have been gradually cutting off contact with them more and more because they don't care about me. My mom in particular.
Dear @Summershy,
I am so sorry to hear that. No child should ever feel that way, even grown up. I hope you do have somewhat of a support system around you! I wish you the best of luck.
Take care,
Daphne
@DearDaphne
They are mean to each other too and they were mean to me when I lived with them. These days though, they jerk me around by pulling lots of stunts
Examples
1. My mom has sent me packages on my birthday, making me think she sent me some presents. When I opened the boxes, all the presents were for another family member who had their birthday at the same time.
2. My family members would act like they "Really wanted to talk to me" but when I would call, they would only talk to me for 5 minutes because everything else is important.
As for all the mean things I have said to them, I can hold it in with other people but with my family, I seem to fly into a rage and say things to them I normally would keep to myself. Is this common when dealing with abusive and toxic family members?
Dear @Summershy,
I am sorry to hear that. It's sad that the person who should make you feel safe and loved, treats you this way. I do hope you will find the love and peace you deserve! As for your question, I don't have a good answer to that. I think everyone would react different after being abused and other things. Abuse is not normal, so what should be defined as normal after this? Do you have any help at all with dealing with these emotions?
Best wishes,
Daphne
@DearDaphne
I have to accept that my family members are not supportive and they are out for themselves. I thought I had a better relationship with my youngest sister but she stabbed me in the back last year and thought she could treat me like a doormat.
About 4 years ago, she texted me out of the blue and said she was in the middle of a road trip with some friends and was going to a neighboring state for some r&r before stopping to see me for an hour. Being that we had not seen each other in 11 years, I had wanted to join her. However, she said that she just wanted to be with her friends but would see me in the way back. Though I tried to make things work, it's bothered me ever since,