I'm angry and alone

Is there someone who wants to rage with me? About anything? My mom? 🙃

Family has always been complicated for me or maybe that's just me. I feel very trapped in my home and that's partly because of my mom. My relationship to her is kinda complicated. 

I'm about to graduate and therefore very occupied with tasks and assignments. One major seminar paper needs to be ready next week and although I'm almost done, my mom suddenly decides to get involved. I asked her to stop pushing me because she wasn't interested in it a year ago, so why stress me out even more now during the final most important, days!? I'm already very stressed, I feel so much pressure. Home doen not really like a place to relax anymore. 

It's more like a few people living different lives, they're just sharing a place to live. That's how it feels like with my family lately. There's nothing but conflicts, screaming and work.

I also process different personal things I figured out about myself and being so sensitive to emotions and thoughts of others, life is already exhausting all the time. My mind literally never rests analyzing everything, putting pressure on myself, asking impossible questions and feels like a weird outsider all the time. 

I really can't process the additional pressure of her right now. But suddenly she feels responsible, getting involved although she was so busy working lately that she didn't spend any time with the rest of the family besides having conflicts with everyone. I don't know how to express everything I feel and it's just exhausting. I tried. She reminded me once that there's just little time left to finish it and of course I know that. It's my first priority since weeks, which she could have known if she paid attention to her family and talked about sth else than her life and job for the moment. 

So yeah... that was just me being angry because I feel like I'm not allowed to express it openly in this house. So if they don't want to hear about my feelings, I hope this post finds someone who will. 🙃

Eventhough it's just me being angry and expressing the feelings that are not allowed to be shown out loud. (I'm sorry it's nothing important but I waited so many years to start voicing my opinion and feelings because they feel so complicated that it was always difficult to express it in an understandable way. Also no one would realy listen, just moving on as always.)