I'm feeling very confused in my relationship. I apologize for it being long
Hello everyone this is my first post on here so please don't judge me to hard.
I've been very confused in my relationship and I don't know what else I need to do.So I (m 34) have been in love with my girlfriend (f 43) for 8 or 9 years now and we have dated on and off during this time now in the beginning it was long distance and I will admit that I have hurt her alot and I have took responsibility for it and I do understand her not trusting me. Anyways we finally meat in 2019 and I ended up leaving and moving in with her but while I lived with her she was doing things that I didn't agree with and I did express how I felt about it to her but she would throw what I did in my face when I would try to talk to her so she was still doing this for her ex boyfriend buying him things washing his clothes taking him out to eat and text him more thing I thought she should be well I told her this and next thing I know she is going to her uncle Memorial service well that's what she told me at less she didn't ask if I wanted to go and she didn't take the kids or extra clothes she left on a Friday and didn't come back till late Sunday night the whole time she was gone she never texted or called me to let me know if she was ok or anything well when she got back I said something to her about it and she said she didn't have any service so I just let it go then I noticed that she had her ex clothes when she came In but it was late so I didn't say anything the next day when we got up I tried to talk to her about it and she didn't want to and kept throwing up in my face everything that I did wrong in the past well she left so I texted her and told her that I was going to write her ex and tell him that I was living with her and we was dating she called me and started yelling at me and everything well next thing I knew her ex blocked me and I've never meat him before so I waited till she got back home and told her how I felt and once again here comes everything that I have ever done wrong in my face so I tried to talk to her and she say that she wasn't going to talk to me about it so I told her that when she got back I would be gone. So now it's 2021 and we started talking again and we got back together and in the beginning things was fine then she started acting different by not wanting to spend time with me as much or even talk to me I found out that the same ex is supposedly liven in the shed by her house so for the past year and a half I've only got to see her 5 to 6 time and it was on her lunch break for 40 mins I'm not allowed to come to her house and spend time with her she never says how she feels about me and when I tell her it's awww or a smile emji symbol she doesn't answer me when I ask what I mean to her or if she wants to see me now she will tell me that we are still dating but that all I feel like I'm alone and that she is keeping me as a back up guy and I've told her how I felt many of times and she willnt reply I feel like I'm thounds of miles away from her and everyone has told me that I need to just give up on her but I'm truly in love with her and it's driving me crazy and I'm depressed all the time should I just give up and leave her alone and love her from a distance or she I keep doing what I'm doing and hope that it gets better I'm grateful for any advice and I'm sorry it's so long
It sounds like she's just using you, man. Sorry to say. It sounds like she has been lying to you at least since her "Uncle's Memorial Service." If not, maybe longer than that. I hope you're not paying for too many things for her or doing a bunch of favors for her. That may be the only reason she keeps you around.
You made mistakes in the past, but you learned from them and you'll refrain from repeating them. You sound like you have a big heart to put up with all of her crap. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you better. I hope you find that someone, but first you have to let this girl go.
Best wishes, Cain
@Cain96
I appreciate your feedback and your advice and I've been told that alot and I see it in the way she acts I just can't let her go I've tried and ended up hurting a wonderful woman because she wrote me one time and I went right back and I see that no matter what I'm not going to be able to love anyone because of the way I'm in love with her and that is what I don't understand I mean I will allow her to continue making me feel like I do so I guess I'm stuck with being alone waiting on her but thank you for your feedback
Unless you’re willing to settle for second place, it’s time to go. You should work on yourself make sure you’re taking care of yourself and being the best version and knowing you are worthy of someone who truly appreciates you!! You’re already used to barely seeing her or talking to her so I know you have the strength to get over her.
Look at it this way you only have to do half the work of getting over her because you already don’t see her regularly and seem to know and be aware of not being treated well by her. It’s harder getting over someone who treated you well
@heatlightning
BUT at the same time what if she is just testing me to see what I would do
@heatlightning
I see what your saying but I do love and and it would be wrong for me to get with anyone else because of the love that I have for her will not fade
Do you ever expect one day you all will be living together and have more of a daily life together?
@heatlightning
Yes I do hope that she tells me to come home I mean when she does talk to me it feels like she misses me and she hasn't told me that I will never get to come home she has said maybe the last time I asked if she has though about me coming home
@heatlightning
AND I feel like she would have told me by now if she didn't have any plans for me to get back home
That makes sense; do you think she’s still just trying to be cautious because of your hurtful actions in the past? It sounds as though she has kids so maybe she is careful of letting you into their daily lives again
@heatlightning
To be honest I don't know why she is doing this but I do think it's because I have hurt her and she maybe trying to see if I'm really waiting on her but I just wish that she would say something
You’re really strong to put up with waiting for her. It’s up to you if you want to continue that or not
@heatlightning
Im not strong by any means I just am in love and I haven't been this way towards anyone else I'm thinking about showing up at her house out of the blue and see what happens
That way you will see what’s going on and know once and for all. I commend how you live your life while dealing with this. I wish I could have that strength
I text her everyday and it seems like it's all the same thing I know that she knows that I love her and want to come home to her but I feel like that day will never happen at all but I still will wait and love her for the rest of my life thank you for replying to me and taking time to talk
I’m happy to talk about this but will you really be ok if you devote all life to her even if it’s like this always?
@heatlightning
I can't be in a relationship with someone else because I will always be in love with her and I couldn't have someone else who will be willing to be fully committed and I wouldn't be
