I'm lost...

I understand where you're coming from..you just want her to treat you as a friend just the way you treat her and be honest to you about what all is happening

You've started having expectations from her since you're heart is involved here..

I think you ought to start you're healing process now you would'nt want to be in this state of mind forever

How will you heal ...when you find clarity

You may try telling the girl how you feel about her and what you really desire out of this virtual friendship/relationship..have a conversation and get clarity on what she wants and feels about all this

Or either you may consider cutting of all contact until you heal fully try not to iniate any conversation till you've totally detached from the girl and the relation.. Move on someone out there will not leave you hanging and be as emotionally available as you are

@LostIntoNothing i think you should be more careful since people can be anything they want online since their hiding behind a screen but that's just how i see it good luck.

@LostIntoNothing

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I met this girl online on discord about 4 months ago. We met through a mutual server, and she started showing a lot of affection towards me, (This is definetly her coming on strong, its a sign of unmet needs) and we eventually talked mostly in dms. She had been through a lot, and was still going through a lot, and the caring person inside me decided to care for her. (I understand you wanted to help her, but i feel you should be careful with this because you are coming from a place of taking care of her, instead of just listening and letting her make her own decisions. You could also be playing the role of the fixer) Incidents happened(to her) that made me worry about her deeply, and as time passed my care for her grew stronger, and I eventually developed feelings for her as well. Problem is, some of her actions can be very upsetting and off-putting. For instance she would ignore a whole message. Like if I sent her three messages, she would ignore one or two of them and reply only to one of them. (I can see how this can be very frustrating you. One thing I would like to mention is that her ignoring a messages triggers your anxiety because it feels its a rejection) I confronted her about this and she says she doesn't see them, (I don't think it was a good idea to confront her because this has to do more with you than her, but she is definetly making excuses. Someone who is more empathetic wouldn't have answer like that) which is honestly hard to believe, but I just went with it. She also likes to have these long pauses inbetween messages. And she also wanders off mid convo, leaving me hanging and waiting for her reply, (I can tell you go through separation anxiety and possibly anger when she does this, so internally you begin to take this as a rejection and feeling abandoned. You are focusing on how you mostly feel and projecting on her because she could have been busy or had to do something) and sometimes I have to bug her about it for her to answer. (This is not a good thing to do because you are trying to force things on order to soothe your anxiety. You have lost empathy for this person here, and mostly focused on what you wanted) I confronted her about this too, asked her if she's ignoring me, (I understand how this can be frustrating, but the way you are trying to go about it will definetly cause her to leave. You are trying to force things on order for her to behave in the way you want, and then you are also seeking reassurance from her. It's important to learn how to soothe your anxiety) and that if she simply doesn't like talking to me that she can say so and I can be gone. (This is a manipulation tactic, and trying to force things with her. You are feeling anxiety, so you are doing whatever it takes to get her to respond and do what you want. This behavior will make her want to spend less time talking with you because it won't make her feel safe) I've just accepted the fact that maybe that's the type of person she is, especially since she's going through a lot of stuff. (She could be going through a lot, but the behavior i mentioned above will play a role on how she is with you) But what's bothering me the most is that the affection she once used to show me has been gone for a long time, but as of late she's been showing a lot of it to this other guy in her server. (I can tell she is so starved for love that she is willing to show affection and project unmet needs on people that are appealing to her) Before she used to tell me everything, and it's like now she doesn't tell me anything and tells this other guy instead. She's been very distant with me and spends a lot of time with this other guy. And I should be happy for her, I really should, but sometimes I get jealous, and sometimes I feel left out. (Its understandable, specially when you two used to talk often) Over the past 3 months I've devoted so much of my effort and resources into her, and I've ached over her plenty times. (This is really sweet of you, and it should have definetly been more appreciated.) I've stayed up nights for her, I've gotten her stuff like food and candy a couple times, I've probably spent like $400, because I wanted her to be happy, (This sounds like you really care about her and did anything you could to make her happy. I would like to point out that you over-invested on her very soon on order to receive love/validation from her and to make her stay, so this would smother her and will make her spend less time with you because it feels like its too much, even though they were sweet things you did.) because she seemed to be so depressed and sad and she was my everything at the time and her happiness was my priority.(I understand, you had good intentions with her. The problem with this is that you were projecting unmet needs on her, and made it all about her, so it turned into a one sided friendship where all her needs were met while yours were not) Now it feels like I did all of this for nothing. (This is a sign you were hoping for something in return, and it didn't match what you wanted) I'm sure that she doesn't like me back, and I'm kind of ok with that(or am I? I don't really know anymore), but it also feels like she's treating me lesser than a friend as well. And sometimes I'm able to deal with it, but in the morning I eventually develop feelings for her again(sometimes stronger because I have a dream about her), and I begin to ache and hurt so badly again. She's caused me so much hurt for the past 3 months, but she has also give me happiness. (I understand how you feel, but i don't think she caused you this much hurt. From the looks of it what you gave came with expectations, and when she didn't behave/do the way you wanted is where you felt hurt. A lot of this hurt actually comes from how you were treated in the past as a child) BUt nowadays I don't know, I feel like it's only about her. I know her birthday, her favorite cake, her favorite pie, her favorite colors, her favorite ice-cream, not through observation but because I asked her directly, but I never got the questions asked back. (This can be quite hurtful, specially when you know so much about her and she didn't even ask. It's important to have friends who seem curious about you, and where the friendships are more even. I do think her small affection made you give her so much on order to project unmet needs) So I guess you could say she doesn't really know me. What's keeping me from calling it quits and leaving entirely is the fact that I have developed a weak spot for her, and the fact that she will be greatly hurt if I leave. (This is a sign you care more about how she feels, than how you feel. She stopped investing and has not invest in the friendship, so you have every right to leave) I don't know if it was true but she's said a lot of the times that she doesn't want me to leave and how it would really hurt if I left,(I understand the confusion, it only counts on the moment she said it, so it doesn't count now) but her recent behaviour and my jealousy has caused me too much pain and I don't know what to do. (I feel it would be a bad idea to invest on her) I would be fine if she doesn't message me but she always does, and my weakness for her makes me reply back to her. (I can see you feel this overwhelming feeling in your chest that makes it hard to leave, but this is because her behavior feels too familiar and she could have traits of your parents) I feel like I've been treated like dogshit and I'm sick and tired of it. But a part of me still wants her and needs her. I wanted to become stronger and still care for her as a friend, (This is a sign you wanted to sacrifice yourself for her. You have a self that also needs to be taken care of, no where you are caring about everyone well being more than yours. You are important too) but the fact that we still talk almost everyday makes it hard. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm rotting inside. I hope you guys can help me.