Is it normal to still love your ex while in a relationship?
Hello everyone!
A little background: my bf and I have been together for about 7 months now. We work together (I know, I broke the no-coworker rule) but myself and our peers always comment on how healthy our relationship is. Unfortunately these past few months, I have felt really insecure about my bfs past. It is hard for me because we also work in the same company with his ex (they lived together and were on and off for 6 years) and she has recently been making appearances at our location for no apparent reason. I know I should be mature and not let it bother me, but it makes me crazy.
I takes to my bf last night about how its getting way too hard to work there when its taking a toll on my focus and insecurities. He told me he understood where I was coming from and he thinks his ex is coming in on purpose to mess with him/us, but that he wont go back to her ever again.
What got me is he said its also hard for him to work there too because of hearing her name/seeing her from time to time now (idk if its bc he still has feelings or if bc he knows its effecting me). He still has her number saved in his phone, and was going through his phone one day and deleted certain pics of her/them except for one in specific. Maybe Im just different bc when I have a breakup, I delete numbers and pictures, and avoid myself from my ex and soon fall out of love.
I guess what Im asking, do you guys think he still has feelings for her, or am I just overthinking it?
@braveDreamer20
I've been in a similar situation, except the ex was not trying to mess with us. But yes, I think your bf still has feelings for her. In another case, I was the bf. I couldn't delete a picture of my ex because I still had feelings. After a couple of months of not seeing her, I could delete the pictures and forget though. I'd hate to say that perhaps your bf might try to get back with the ex, but on the other hand, probably he just needs more time to forget about her.
@WorrisomeGuy
thank you for your reply! She cheated on him and he broke up other her about 9 months ago I want to say. I just figured since they had been in and off so many times and to end that way hed be more angry and over it, but I guess he may still have feelings and that explains it.
For me, do you think I should rethink the relationship, or just stay in it with him while still giving him time to move on from her? I feel like he wouldnt have gotten in a relationship with me if he wasnt over her, but then again I know everyone is different!
@braveDreamer20
I read all the messages here and I think he still has feelings for her... Nobody should hold on to old pictures or keep a phone number of an ex.. If you love him and have a desire to work it out or at least know the truth on his feelings, definitely ask him.. Set aside time and have a calm discussion and just be honest with your concerns. If he admits feelings for her or you can sense he is lying or not being able to deny it, then you should move on. Believe me I know it's hard either way. Good luck.
It's something completely normal, you can't really control your feelings or who you are in love with it just comes naturally