Its been a while. Found myself on the wrong path again.

Hello all!

Its been a while since i last posted or came on here, it may not be the correct category for this but i have spoken to people here in the past which makes me feel more confident putting it here.

For the past few months ive been trying to pick myself up out of my depression, i have been throwing myself into situations i would normally avoid at all costs. Ive tried to make more plans with new friends and old, go out and be more active to fill my mind and body with positivity instead of having excess time to overthink negatively, i have this year started my driving lessons and have my test next week which im excited yet nervous for.

Upon doing these things ive noticed something that really took the wind out of me completely, i genuinely dont have any friends who i can interact with now, i try so hard to make plans and it boils down to a non response or there busy, My ex (whom ive posted about in the past) used to help me along with my problems and she has also turned cold which hurt a lot becuase she was really the only person i could rely on and talk too with my problems confidently.

Now i get back from work there is no message hoping if im well there is no message from people who want to see me no matter how much i reach out to them, i come home and tidy my place i sit down i feel so lethargic and lazy so when the slightest offer arises to do something i refuse i feel so brittle and tired of everything, i tried to eat well and put on weight in hopes id feel better as i dont like the way i look which also grinds me down, i have this long list of tasks and i just sit and think and think and then think again that how ill never achieve any of them.

I thought i was on the right track some months ago things were going well until they come to a complete halt my support is gone my morale is gone im isolated and alone. My driving test is one week away and i just feel like im destined to fail, everything i start i do not finish i work all month just wishing the days away until i get paid just to rinse and repeat. The most crushing part is i know this is all happening around me i know that i am making those choices and my own unfulfilled potential makes me so angry and depressed i want to give up but i REFUSE i dont know where to go from here i dont know what to start, i dont know how i can reach out around me to make new friends as im just so isolated.

I guess im looking for a solution to my attitude towards things i have depression which i take with a pinch of salt but i just feel as if its me against the world and im so close to losing everything even myself again, any advice on how i can get back out there interact, feel good and live good and not feel as if im a failure all the time, Im fighting a battle with myself and i just dont know how long i can keep the fight on for.

Thank you all who read and comments i know its lengthy but its my first post in a while.

As always Dum Spiro Spero