I want to marry my boyfriend, but I don't want to scare him?
hello!! i'm an 18 yr old female, and my boyfriend who is also 18 is in the air force. we've been dating for nearly 5 months, but i knew at the 3 month mark i wanted to marry him. currently, he is in basic training in texas, so our only form of communication is letters. i brought up my feelings on marriage and why we should get married in one of the letters i wrote, but i'm just nervous he won't feel the same way. on the other hand, it may bring him comfort to hear that i am committed to him. i told him in the letter also that we need to discuss this in person. what if i scare him away, or overwhelm him while he is already dealing with the stress of basic training? i'm just anxious about the whole thing.
thank you for reading xx
@emmaL224
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
hello!! i'm an 18 yr old female, and my boyfriend who is also 18 is in the air force. we've been dating for nearly 5 months, but i knew at the 3 month mark i wanted to marry him. (This isn't a healthy mindset because it communicates you have unmet needs, starved of love, past issues, and projecting a fantasy/unmet needs on the other person. You don't know someone in three months, it takes a very very long time to get to know someone before considering marriage. You are both 18, theres still tons of things to do before attempting to get marriage) currently, he is in basic training in texas, so our only form of communication is letters. i brought up my feelings on marriage (You are coming on too strong here, trying to lock him down this early. You have dated this person for a short amount of time and you want to marry him already, it's not healthy) and why we should get married in one of the letters i wrote, but i'm just nervous he won't feel the same way. on the other hand, it may bring him comfort to hear that i am committed to him. i told him in the letter also that we need to discuss this in person. what if i scare him away, or overwhelm him while he is already dealing with the stress of basic training? i'm just anxious about the whole thing. (It's a bad idea to bring up marriage this soon no matter what the reason is, you are coming on too strong by talking about marriage with someone you have been dating for just 5 months. The average time is to wait 2 years, because they are still things you don't know about him. You are probably both on the honeymoon phase, things might be different once that phase wears off. You got to know him on a deeper level, not just go by feelings of wanting to live this life with him.)
@freshLight64 thank you for your thoughts, dear. we've talked about marriage before this, actually, and he brought it up, not me. i don't want to marry him just because i love him. of course, that's a big part. but there's other factors involved. in short, it would be much easier for the both of us if we got married bc of the military stuff. but i appreciate your opinion. also it's too late i brought up marriage lmao whoops
@emmaL224 oh!! and we were friends before. we knew each other for 2+ years before dating, so i've known him for a while :) we just got really close recently.
@emmaL224
Hey!!!! I am a US Navy Girlfriend. I feel this. He is currently on deployment. We have talked about marriage on and off for about six months now, but lately, it's been more in depth.
I want you to know what they do to men in Boot. They tell the men, married or not, that have lovers- that they are cheaters and horrible people and "If you're to have a wife, the military would issue you one".... This isn't to insult you, this is to prepare them in case worse comes to worse and they become POW. So, be prepared that it could be a little different. He could be all for it, but he could be all weapons against it. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less. That means the military got to his head and it might take a while for him to get there.
I also want you to know that the average military dating to engagement time is about eight months. I started dating mine right after A-school (which is where he learns his job, yours will be sent right after boot) and it's been about a year and a half of dating for us. The thing I can say about engagements is to do it on your time. With the military, you will learn the importance of time. Do NOT compare yourself to other wives or engaged couples, it will ruin your confidence in your relationship.
Be realistic. You need to expect he may not come home for his duty station. He could be placed anywhere in the world and that makes marriage rough. Get comfortable with the thought of distance.
Another thing I want to point out that happened to me, I don't know if it will happen to you. My man, I am beyond proud of him. Half my clothes say I'm a navy girlfriend and has his last name on it. At one point, a mutual friend slipped and said my man was worried that I only wanted to marry him because he was in the military. That is totally not the case. I love this man and want no one else. I am just prideful and have no issue admitting that. IF this comes up, reassure him that this is not the case.
I have a blog, under a different name than my own. If you want to read it, go ahead and reply to this and I will send the link. My separate email for that blog is on it and I can talk to you in private if you want. I am more than willing to chat with you. This is a tough life, but not impossible. You are only at the beginning. You got this.
