Married and my affair
Hi,
Im a 27yr old woman, married for 1 year(together 7 years) to my colleague sweetheart lets refer to him as ‘A for this story.
I met ‘B (the other man) 2 years ago. We work together.
The type of relationship I have with A is simple, easy going and like bestfriends, all the same interests. Its like living with your best friend and I care deeply for him as a member of my family.
B turned my world upside down. Hes different, with different interests and generally the opposite almost from A. The chemistry between B and I is insane.. even long before anything happened between B and I a lot of people we knew were like you guys would be a cute couple.
Last December at an after work party out at a bar.. B asked me if he could kiss me... I said yes. We kissed and that night it was like fireworks went off.
Fast forward to today, Im still secretly meeting with B and we are in a full blown affair.
I love A (like family)and B (like a lover)
With A I am not in love with anymore, I have no desire to be sexual with him.
With B I am scared because the chemistry we have is wild its the crazy kind. We are crazy about each other. Ive gotten to a point in which I need to make choices... stay with A or leave and start from the beginning with B.
Does anyone have advice or similar experiences to share?
I feel scared, guilty and confused and I dont want to cause pain to anyone.
Note: A doesnt know about B, but B knows about A.
I don't have a similar experience, but I believe that if we constantly miss something, we end up being unhappy and ruining even the good things we have. A is like your best friend, but you said yourself that you don't love him anymoe. I know he also represent security, comfort, while B feels like a jump in the dark. But whatever happens with B, there is something you have learnt from all of this: A will never be able to give you all you need, or at least not anymore, and it might have repercussions on both of you if you keep pretending. The real question is: was there ever a time when you and A really had the sort of love you feel you need, or you never did and B helped you open your eyes about what you truly wish and need?
If there has been love between you and A, or if you think this is something you can work on to make it better and you believe it's worth it, you can try t be open with A about how you feel about him, and see if you can make things better together. But if you realized that what you have and always had with A is something beautiful, but not love or at least not the kind of love you need, you might want to consider if it's right to keep trapping yourself in a relationship that pretends to be something it's not, and if it's right to keep hiding this to A.
B might be the love of your life or simply the man who opened your eyes, but one thing is sure: ignoring what you feel would make everyone unhappy. Sometimes happiness takes a great deal of honesty and bravery. But we don't want to look and realize we didn't make a hard step that was nevertheless worth making.
Whatever will happen, I wish you the best!
@tragickitty
I do have a similar experience and I rwgret deeply for not having the guts to play the B role part...follow your love and your story and do not worry about what will happen.
It is so normal how you split the relationship with A and B. You will allways need A for security and companionship in ypur life and B for fun and living life...
Some are able to combine the two...
I was in the posture of A and willing to forgo or accept B's just for the sake of our wellbeing, but in my unfortunate case the B for my wife became her A and she married him 😊.
Just have fun in life and don't strife yourself so much...life is short...and waaaay complicated so explore and live it...A, B, C, who cares anymore, maybe tomorrow there is a girl florist who falls in love with you and a lesbian love may unfold... (just joking, showing you how life can throw us in different ways...)
A is an anchor of security for you, friend and reliable companion, but around A you can build your orbitting universe and live ypur life while you can...
Yes, I have been both A and Band now I am just nothing...😉😊
@tragickitty
this question seems familiar, did you ask it before in different ways maybe.
so I am an A, and in the distant past was a B. As a B, I did not know about the A... As soon as I found out I bolted, ran away. For me, the moral... wrong of that was not ok for me. I know some guys that even brag about creating that situation. It somehow makes them feel more powerfull to be the cause of destroying another man. One even described it as better because the girl will be so much more wild with them because she is already feeling secure from her A. These type of guys know exactly what they are doing.
the feelings and life for the A will burn in this situation one way or the other. you don't love, respect, or admire them any more. If did, there would be no B. From what you write and style of writeing, I would suggest that it is over with A. If he is really in love with you still then at some point you can tell him about B so that he has a chance to break his love for you and also move on with a new life. IMHO, it is not kind to keep him as in/on some level he also can feel it but doesn't understand.
BTW: this is really common situation. You are already setup with an ongoing relationship... so when you break with A you have a place to go already and your pain can already be tended to. Your A will not be as lucky... try to plan the time to tell him when he will or might have some support available to him.
good luck