Married to a SERIOUS gamer :(

@lala013 Gaming addiction can be a very serious and real issue, and from what it sounds like, it's affecting your marriage. If you have tried talking to him about it, you've already done the first step. I would recommend that he talk to a counsellor to help him figure out the route cause of the addiction. There is a lot of material you can find online about dealing with someone like this, i suggest you do a bit of research to find out how you can best help him overcome this.

Oh, and I'm not saying all gaming is bad, just this kind of level when it's affecting everything around you can be a serious issue and should not continue.

I wish you the very best!

While not necessarily a solution... maybe it's worth looking at the glass as being half full (rather than half empty) He's not out cheating on you, drinking in Pubs, or Gambling at the Casino. He is home with you. Also, he has made some efforts to minimize the Gaming. I'm not trying to minimize the situation... but things could be worse. We can't always expect ppl to act the way we'd like (even Husbands)

@lala013

Hey Lala, Serious gaming sucks... I mean I know I was in a relationship where my partner wanted to be with me on skype 24/7 while I was doing my studies and then would get mad that I mute him just because I couldn't concentrate with his shouting and all... he was a pain. If I stayed with him I would have adjusted, but I didn't. I have however a couple friends that are in a serious relationship with gamers and they either managed to find a mid way or joined in with the gaming. You could either try and join in with some of his games and learn how to play them :) maybe that would show him how important he is to you and you love him so much you want to share what he enjoys. If you however have no interest in his habit at all then you could try and find a mid way, find a similarly occupying hobby like he got to spend time, maybe a third hobby that you can do together that doesnt involve his videogames. Or leave the house and find yourself some good friends you can chat in a caffee with all day :) I know these dont sound too great... but they are just things that could get you thinking.

His gaming is probably his way of being social, he has his friends he plays with and by doing well feels like he achieves something. It is tough to get someone away from gaming once they are that addicted to it. If you try to get him away from it, even with the best intentions, he will take it personal and get annoyed and mad :( Going to a councilor about it is a good shout indeed, but know that that can backfire :( I hope you manage to figure it out xx best of luck :)

@lala013 It does sound like you are going through a hard and serious situation that has been upsetting you and causing you a lot of stress and loneliness... Gaming addiction is a serious thing but it can be resolved with the help of a counsellor or a professional. You are doing well and you have taken the first step to let him know that this is affecting you, now you can maybe mention to him the option of getting some help to help with his addiction and your marriage. I hope this helps :) Wish you all the best!

@lala013

It sounds like it really is borderline an addiction. It's very hard to get out of, because all the socialising and achievement feelings come from the games. Some of the games are also so expansive and always live, so it's very easy to get completely lost in them (I'm a gamer married to a gamer). It's also a pressure to keep gaming, if all one's friends are gaming friends. There's a strong feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out) because if you're not online one day when everyone else is, you've missed out on a whole game, a whole 'world' and all the socialising, etc etc.

You knew what you were getting into, but then so was he when he decided to marry you. You're not just part of a decorative title or something, you're half of a relationship and it is his job to put work into it to maintain and grow it. It sounds like he has tried to make an effort, and you have as well, but you're still not managing to meet in the middle. Sometimes gaming late at night is fine, but certainly not all the time, and there should be some general consideration/etiquette/manners to have some self control and not shout all night while you've fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him trying to put in an effort.

While I understand you don't want to make a bigger thing out of this than it is, I would say not to fret too much about 'getting help'. It always sounds like an overly dramatic thing to do, to have a serious talk with one another or go to a counselor or such, because even the word 'counselor' and 'talk' can blow things out proportion for some people. You may feel like you're nagging, but we shouldn't generally let anyone trivialize our feelings, especially if you've been patient and making an effort thus far. You feel lonely, and it is directly because of part of your husband's behaviour, and it's totally okay to try to work it out, and to ask him to make more of an effort, because if you already feel this way one year in, and don't do anything about it, it could become the foundation for a lot of hurt and resentment down the line.

Do you both have any activities you both enjoy? Especially outdoor activities, like sports or hiking or something? Perhaps after talking and whatnot, you can aso try introducing a joint activity like that - even taking a walk together after dinner or so. Doing something active together can be really great, as it produces endorphins, you're getting fresh air, and you're getting tired. Maybe such things can slowly help get his mind off gaming so hardcore. Or, even establishing a clear schedule could help. He games Monday, Thurs, Sat or whatever, and on the other days, you both do something together like cook or watch a film.

@lala013

I'm real compassionate with you i used to live a similar situation. Last year i was dating a gamer too it had make me feel lonely for months but i didn't care cause i like to focus on myself. The thing is a gamer can be real agressive so after many talks and nothing change. I decided to drop the ball until one day when i approach him with his supper i just made for him cause he's too lazy to come eat and he started to scream at me cause he was doing a league of legend tournament. I took the plate and drop him on him and i told him that if i cross that door i will never comeback cause no one should scream at me for stupid things like this. He started laughing, so i quit the appartment bring all my things and never comeback like i said. Before i did that i tried to talk to him and actually play with him (i don't like video games) but it doesn't work. If i could go back in time i wish i would analyze the cause of his addiction more than trying to solve the problem. You should try to do anything before giving up.

1. trying to understand the source

2. try to developp an interest for his games even if you don't like it

3. talk

Those are my solutions i wish you the best.

xxx

Sunalchemy

Start gaming with him, I'm a gamer and met my boyfriend through World of warcraft, now we live togheter and we play togheter, of course we also play seperatly too but it's not that we miss eachother, we sit beside eachother gaming, touch eachothers feet or hands in between, kisses eachothers cheeks or lips, we watch movies togheter on the couch or go outdoors ( important too ). Once you get into gaming you will find a whole new world of positivity, partly you will spend more time with your husband but partly too that you get to play a story and not just watch it on netflix, it so much different to actually make choises and figure out things for yourself to make the story go forward, and all the different stories, Skyrim, Assassins creed, Minecraft, World of warcraft, Star wars, Warframe, far cry, even Hello kitty online if thats your cup of tea.

It's good for your sences too, you get faster reaction time etc.

Theres pretty much nothing bad that can come out of gaming unless you get addicted. ( And 3-5 hours of gaming a day sounds kinda little to me, me and my boyfriend can game between 3- 8 hours a day, 3 hours being rare )

Hey, I totally understand how that can feel isolating. I had some nights recently where I was feeling a bit bored and alone, so I decided to try something to pass the time and stumbled upon billionaire spin, which had special bonuses for players from Greece. I tried their Roulette game, and at first, I kept losing small bets, which was a bit discouraging, but then I took a slightly bigger risk and actually hit a nice win. That little moment gave me a real mood boost, and now I often play there when I need a way to unwind by myself and still enjoy a bit of fun and excitement online.

@lala013

I think you should open up about how you’re feeling, but try to frame it from a place of wanting more connection, not from a place of frustration or resentment. You could say something like, “I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately and would really love for us to spend more time together. I miss our connection.” This way, it doesn’t feel like a criticism of his gaming, but more about your need for intimacy and closeness.

Wow that sounds very lonely and depressing. Have you thought about playing games together some? I was all into dating my spouse we were married in 11 months and engaged in a month of meeting. Thought about asking why he likes playing a lot like is he stressed bored hurt tired sometimes things that bother us make us do certain things. Does he like spending time with you? Do you get on his nerves and nag or anything like that as nagging does the opposite of what you want it to do.