My Ex is Released. (Still love him)

@TwoTimesAMom

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

He'd only stay in there longest was a year. So once he'd get out I'd go running back to him. (I would really start thinking about whats making you drawn to him. This could be your case or not, but the way you keep running back to him is because of the familiar, which means he might have similar traits as one or two of your family members.) Well we were fighting constantly and then he started getting physically, mentally, and verbally abusive because he was just worried about getting money to get his drugs (It does seem like you had a difficult time experiencing all of this. Someone who is heavily addicted to drugs will choose the drug over their partner, and will attempt to manipulate others.) he would make lies to his friends to get money and if I didnt take him to get it then he would beat me up. (Thats awful...he was really a bbad person to you) Thankfully I never tried the drugs and never wanted too.

(Hold on it gets more complicated to get me where I am, like what is wrong with me)
So he started getting worse with the lying that he started robbing places and then he finally went to prison in 2013 and I went to see him and talked to him but of course I wanted to stay with this relationship because he was my first love. (I can understand why you would say this since first love can often have an impact. I do feel the reason you wanted to stay is because he resembled someone in your life, the whole mistreatment/inconsistency made you feel a rush, and to feel loved/validated from outside in) I always chose him. So all the times I'd talk to him he'd ask for money (He treated you here like an object to soothe his anxiety, you didn't deserve to be treated this way) and that it and just nag over and over until I got sick of it and stopped talking to him after 3 years. I moved on with my life he still called and wrote but I didn't. (This is a red flag right here. He was so focused on his anxiety and how he felt, that he didn't take into consideration how all of this made you feel. He is very selfish and self-absorbed)

Anyways about 2 weeks ago he wrote me and told me he was getting released (He is ignoring how he treated you, and again made it all about himself. He is quite toxic and selfish) and I knew I shouldn't have answered the phone but I was curious of if he changed over the years and how he was holding up because I still love him (not in love anymore) I still care for him but connecting with him was a mistake. (You were attached to him so I can see why you still cared about him. I do think he won't change unless he gets the right help) My depression has been out of control I cry constantly over nothing because it is overwhelming. (It does sounds like you are going through a lot at this moments, specially with everything that has been going on in your life) I love my husband and I know there is no life with my ex especially not knowing what will really happen with him with the drugs after hes been out awhile. (He will probably end up mistreating you and not taking your feelings into consideration) So he got out Thursday night and text me on a phone and asked to see me and of course I'm going to say yes (even if I didnt want to I'm going to) (This can be a sign that you either feel guilty for saying "no" and that this powerful/overwhelming sensation is making you say yes.) then everytime I asked him to see me he came up with excuses (You are married with two children, how would you feel if your husband did this to you?Your ex only wants to see you on his terms and when he wants, and then disappears when you show interest) and I didn't plan on getting back with him or even trying but I wanted closure because of our relationship and how it ended in prison. (I can tell you are forcing the "closure", when in reality you were curious about seeing him. You are the only who can give closure to yourself by healing and moving forward) He claims to love me and wrote me and begged to see me (I don't think he is being genuine here. The way he is begging is making it seem like he is forcing his way. This is a protest behavior on an attempt to get his way) but why when he finally can does he not. I have told him that i still love him (This is inappropiate to say to him because you have a family now, and this will make him disappear. The moment you walk away and don't show interest is where he will beg you and make promises, but soon as you show interest is where he won't anything with you.) and who knows what could happen down the road but now hes ignoring me and not talking but he did it constantly in prison. I just dont understand and I am stuck. (That man is highly toxic and only cares about he feels. Love shouldn't be like this, it should be about adding more happy moments in your life than grief. He got separation anxiety in prison, so he wanted to close the distance. Staying in contact with someone like him will only affect your mental health, well being and anxiety)