My husband truly believes I’m cheating on him….
My husband thinks I’m cheating on him. This came out of left field. We have had such an amazing relationship and now things are horrible. We have been together a while with two small children. I am a stay at home mom and I don’t have much of a social life. I got involved with a choir once a week and he thinks I’m cheating. Questioning every move. He looked through all of my phone which there was nothing to find. I know I shouldn’t have but I looked through his phone history tonight and there are searches saying “apps to spy on wife’s phone” “small spy cams” and soooo much more. I don’t know where all of this is coming from. I am not cheating, never have and again I don’t do anything. He doesn’t even want me talking to my really good friend to vent. I just need someone to talk to I feel so isolated.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am not married though I'm not sure it makes much of a difference, I've been with my significant other for about 6 yrs and we recently had our first kid. It sounds like there is a huge problem in trust from the sound of it. Did he act like this before? And does this behaviour seem out of character or is it reaccuring? I'm not sure if he's willing but you two should definitely sit down and have a serious talk as to why he has suddenly lost trust in you. Especially since you don't have much of a social life on top of being a stay at home mom cause to me, that makes absolutely no sense on why he is acting the way he is. I hope this can be resolved, it must be awful knowing that your partner doesn't really trust you for no good reason.
Thank you so much for replying to me. I lost about twenty lbs -not even close to pre babies weight - he thinks I lost weight because I’m cheating on him. I suffered from PPD after my first baby and I really lost myself during that time. I am finally feeling back to myself and wearing nice clothes like I use to. I try to tell him this is because I’m trying to feel better about myself not because I’m cheating. That’s the only change I can think of as well as the choir. He just text me again telling me to tell him if something happened and I swear NOTHING happened. We have had chats about this but he will not let it go. It’s been ongoing for two months now. I booked a family holiday and we went there together I thought it would make things better to connect but I think he’s even worse now. I am so sad and confused. Thanks again for listening.
@helloLime4510
As someone who has made some mistakes in the past, I feel for you. While I have never cheated, I have been emotionally dishonest, unavailable. So we would get in these huge fights, and I would say "you have to trust me!" The truth, no they don't. I would wake up every day and try to "earn" their trust, holding on so tight, trying so hard. But all I can do is all I can do. I try to do the next right thing, whatever that is.
Good luck!
Your welcome I wish I could help more, I understand having PPD can change you drastically seeing as I'm struggling with PPD myself. But I'm so happy to hear you are finding yourself again and I wish he would be happy about that too. You might not be looking good and dressing up for him and you shouldn't have to. But maybe you can tell him that your just trying to look good for him? A white lie like that couldn't hurt in this case since y'all are together so it wouldn't be too far from the truth. But idk I don't want to make your situation worse if you did do that. Maybe go out on a one on one date night? You can tell him that you both need a good night out and you can have a good time together. Maybe that'll show him that you want to spend time with just him and not some imaginary dude that he thinks your cheating on with. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest probably couples therapy at that point. Because like I said before, his trust in you is not there it seems. Does he have to trust you 100%? maybe not but it seems like he has absolutely zero trust. And I get it I mean sometimes trust can waver in people due to certain reasons. But if I were him I would sit down with you and lay everything out on the table as to why and how I think what's going on is going on. And get to the root of the problem. And I believe that's why you really need a serious but also calm conversation between you both. But one can only help do so much if they happen to be extremely stubborn ya know? Anyway I hope things work out, you two seem really great before and I wouldn't want either of you to lose what could possibly be saved. Im not a listener but if you need someone to talk to I'm always free
@helloLime4510
I think it is a reaction to you finding your own interests and such .....he might just feel left out.
i too have something like this as i lost weight ......and found more confidence and no longer waiting for him to try new things or explore things.
i do many things without him and chat with new people online through fitness apps etc................ although he does not seem to think .............that i am cheating ............... but he has developed a habit of asking about anyone i speak with etc.......and is now hanging around me like an annoying child inserting himself in even mundane store trips etc.
@helloLime4510
this is so bizarre. sounds like paranoia on his side. is he always this controlling? please try couples therapy...
Thank you. I didn’t think he was but now I’m questioning it. He has started therapy but it isn’t helping. He started a medication hopefully it will help. I did mention couples therapy.
Its okay dont feel isolates