Need some insight
I've been in a 6 year relationship that I ended up being betrayed 2 years into. When i found out he cheated he tried to commit S. This all happened at one time, I was literally suffering with the emotional part of him creating a relationship with someone else while also attending to him at the hospital. He stayed out of it for 3 days and barely could talk but when he did it was all about her, didn't even know who I was. I was heartbroken but couldn't stand to let him be alone(neither of us have family around). When he came home he continued talking to her and ensured the friendship they shared (as he calls it) wasn't damaged. I was left without closure or even consideration; basically told I was crazy, useless and my feelings weren't important(to shut up or stop crying). Time passed and he finally stopped talking to her but continued to entertain other females by flirting around and giving them attention. 4 years later from the betrayal with the added entertaining females and it still circles in my mind when there are triggers(places, music, people, etc). We could never talk about much, I literally lived for this man's attention which I never received until now. Now that I want to leave he finally says he wants to rebuild everything, he's been watching videos and having talks with me to listen to all the things I've held inside and hes revealed things hes never shared. It makes me conflicted because I made up my mind, I feel like it's unfair that he gets to choose after I sacrificed my own feelings back then to "save" the relationship, yet now he's "trying" by putting in the effort...all that i think is that its total BS. I also feel so guilty for feeling that way as i see him actually hurting by me wanting to leave and it doesnt help he suffers from depression. Has anyone went through something similar. Any suggestions for clarity?
@redGrapes590
it is obvious you care about him to stay ater the suicide attempt and live through his talking about her.... Now you find your wanting to let go and walk away and he wants to make an effort ...... i wish it was a hallmark movie and you could end up in a happy ever after point but in reality i think too little too late ... i guess you are in a hard place since he obviously has issues but you went above and beyond IMO and you deserve to do what you want even if that is leaving
That sounds like a very conflicting and confusing place to be in. You see him suffering and genuinely care about him despite how abusive he's been towards you. You have a kind heart. I will just say guilt is not a good enough reason to stay in any relationship, and will only create more resentment over time. His pain is also not yours to carry. It's his responsibility to care for himself.
It also takes a lot to make up for the kinds of things he's done in a relationship. It is not impossible, but you believe it is ***/fake, and perhaps that he'll revert back to the way he was if you give in and stay. That's a valid concern, as he doesn't have a good track record.
It's easy to feel used in this situation and wonder if the real reason he fears losing you has more to do with losing the support than you as an individual. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is to let them go, despite their pain, because otherwise, it enables their toxic behavior.
If he is truly sorry for the ways in which he treated you, then he will understand why you no longer want to be with him and respect your decision to do as you please, rather than try to cling to something he took for granted.
