No love in relationship, full love after gone
Hello, Food for thought from an indecisive guy. I have a huge indecision to find which partner is good for me. Evaluating and finding what's bad in order to find the next person. Feeling of escaping when into a relationship. Hoping to find the ideal that I will fall in love. Unable to fall in love up to now. But I feel love to the person, not erotic love. This guided me into long relationships that I don't want to continue with, but I still am as I consider myself a rock of stability in the relationship. I have started here because was into a relationship for years. But also I had another lover for even more years and I truncated the situation badly last summer. The problem is that after about a year of absence ( from mine and her side ) I'm thinking of the lover consistently and I want her back, now as a relationship. The problem is that I don't know if it's a problem of man egoism, or I do love her ( after ), as I don't want to contact her after 7 months ( that I stepped back ), just to feel that I conquered her and then try to escape again. As a general profile, I may say I'm a bit undecided as a person, I have a good standing, stable parents and income, stable friends and stable life. I'm successful in work, both as an entrepreneur and an employee. I'm having some low esteem though, especially to be accepted by others, friends and girls. Even if I'm doing a lot, I feel I'm not. And most of the things I do, do not satisfy me, I feel that I serve. So the big question: is it more egoism or love? Why love after I threw her away, as I didn’t wanted her, and now after so many months I just think of her every day?
Hi @toomuchelaboration
That's interesting... i don't think it's men's ego but again I'm not a man. I think it's either love or more a self-esteem issue...
What do you miss about her? How did she make you feel?
Hello! I’d say I miss the experience, the rollercoaster. If you would ask me in a general context I would say it was a perfect match. But, back then the only reason that I didn’t wanted to get into the relationship with her was because I felt that there wasn’t this “magic” from my side. Now, why after a full year of our absence I feel this magic, it is something that I’m trying to figure out. Nevertheless it’s a mess if you think about it, became toxic. So I don’t know if a possible reconnection for my side would make things worse for her, psychologically. Mostly because I’m afraid of myself, meaning that I feel this magic because of the absence, but is she agrees to return, I will go back to square one. How she make me feel? Wonderful in every aspect. I had difficulties to stay in contact sentimentally. She also described I had built a “wall” to her.