Realizing that the girl he cheated on you with might be the one for him
Me and my bf have been dating for almost two years. Last year we hit a couple bumps after the birth of our son and he started distancing himself. He works over night and he would normally be home by 7am but he started saying he needed time to himself to hang with his guys and de stress. Not wanting to pressure him or push him away I allowed it but then he started not coming home at all. At first it would be two days out of the week but at the worst of it he wouldn’t come home m-f and if he did it would be after 6 or 7pm that he would come back.
I had started to feel something was off but everytime I would say something he would tell me that I was the problem. That because I was neglecting him and not prioritizing him that he needed time for himself. But the whole time I would always pack his lunch, lay out his clothes, give him back rubs and foot rubs and catered to his every need everytime he would come home. Meanwhile the times that he would be gone he would never respond to any of my texts or answer any of my phone calls even if I needed something for either me and the baby I would have to ask or rely on my parents for help.
Well obviously later to find out (by going through his phone) that he was seeing another women from work and he had been spending all his time with her. When I confronted him of course said it was nothing and that he didn’t really care for her but that she would listen to him when I didn’t. We talked things through and I thought things were ok but I just come to find out that he’s still talking to her behind my back and I haven’t confronted him about it. I really wish to make things work but I don’t know if we can. There’s absolutely no trust and he told me that I could never ever go through his phone ever again. That our phones were meant to be private and he needed his privacy. Do you think there’s any hope?
@Violet4890
I wish I could tell you it can be fixed.....I can say that my spouse never listens and is disconnected .... i started talking online with someone else and frankly he makes me feel great ..... and i can not imagine even with coaching my spouse could replace that.......
do you think you can be an emotional support and listen really listen to him ..... not judge with past conflicts ....... remember this new person does not know anything but his best features and he only see her best attempts to woo him too.... when reality sets in many times teh emotional buddy is NOT all that
I know that I can listen to him. He said that I used to but that there was one time that j didn’t and instead of us talking it through and working on things he decided to look elsewhere. But I do believe that when we talk he also comes up with his own conclusions in his head and once he’s set on something then that’s it. I think the reality is that I lost him because even though he said that me and her have things in common with me it’s annoying and stupid but with her he jokes around and doesn’t make her feel like she’s dumb. For example I have an iPhone and so he said that because I have an iPhone I’m a *** and that only goes have an iPhone but so does she and they just make jokes saying android/ iPhone is better and send each other memes about it.
@Violet4890
I am not condoning or saying it is ok and you say there was one time you did not listen..... my spouse will say he listens but in reality he asks me about my day as he walks into the bathroom so you KNOW how much he cares about my answer.... i say things and later he says when did you tell me that ... want to say when you were pretending to be a bobble head and just shaking your head...
IF that ONE time was important to him and you did not give him the time or you no longer find his jokes funny etc i can see finding someone to chat with .... it will develop from there but in all honesty i think people assume too much about how much they pay attention to or listen to what their partner is saying to them
