Really bad break up
Hi, I was in a really toxic relationship for about 3 years and it ended really badly in May. It's been about 6 months now and i'm still in a really bad place. I constantly think about suicide, my ex and the things she's doing and the things she did to me. She had a very troubled past that included prostitution at a young age, drugs and alcohol. When we met, she said that i was the reason she could change for the better, and because i was in love with her, i believed her. The first 6 months of the relationship was long distance as i had to move to a diff state but we did well in keeping in contact. She cheated repeatedly while i was away. She contributed to prostitute and do drugs, before being sent to a diff state by the family members she was living with. She told me she wanted to kill her self so i brought her to live with me. As we lived together, a lot of things from her past came up and i decided to forgive her and help her become a better person, because that's what she said she wanted. From December 2018 to May 2019, She decided to work as a prostitute again, and cheated on me repeatedly. This was the girl i lost my virginity to and proposed to. I've since quit my job, been arrested for fighting one of the guys she slept with and have been a complete mess ever since. I still love her i think, but i know i probably shouldn't. I don't know what to do, i cry everyday and i just wanna be saved at this point
@brandon596 Wow it sounds like it has been a rollercoaster for you lately. It must have felt good to feel like you could help her change those detrimental patterns in her life but I hope you realize it's not your responsibility and no one can change another person, we all have to do it for ourselves. I can relate to being in a relationship where I thought I could "save" someone.. it feels like you are doing the right thing trying to help them but really it feeds their own sense of worthlessness. No matter how much you love them and tell them that all they will see are the times when they "fail" and that feeds their cycle of self destruction (at least in my experience). Recognizing how this was damaging to my ex partner was very humbling for me as the whole time I thought I was helping but in reality it may have been hurting him. I felt like I loved my ex for about 4 years after and kept telling myself that once he "got better" we'd get back together and live happily ever after.. but really you have to look at the person for exactly who they are and know that they are doing the best they can, then you have to decide if that is enough for you. Just some things I have been learning.
Some day you'll be the one to save yourself.
@GrowingGinkgo8847 i really appreciate your words 💕ðŸ˜
@brandon596
Your story sounds bad. I got some random stuff to share with you. I am picking the items based on what you write. Of course there is probably more details then what you write as the situation went on for years.
Your actually in good company, well at least there are lots of guys in a similar situation. Why... well you tell that the girl is/was a prostitute. So the girl is/was getting money for sex. There are so many girls that are single or married for that matter that have hundreds of one night stands or spinning many guys and sleeping with them randomly when it feels good. The similarity is that the girl(s) have sex with many different guys. Not exactly the same, but on some level the same. So these girls are often times cheating on there man after locking him down. The reason to tell you this is so that you can know that your situation is not completely different than what happens to thousands/millions of other guys. And most of them all get through it some how, and get smarter after the pain. This situation always just rips the heart out of nice guys and usually the girl doesn't really care. It is so impossible for us nice guys to ever fully understand that. Just to be clear, there are plenty of guys that do and treat girls really badly also... so I am not just girl bashing.
I get that your in a bad feeling right now. The way out is through it and looking inside not out. That is easier said then done. If you ever figure out a short cut, come back and tell me what it is.
This is what you do:
1 If your not already doing it, lift. (heavy weight training, find a gym and plan and do it)
2 Dress and groom the best you can and can afford
3 Focus on earning more money
4 At least one night a week with the guys. If you have none, then join something that will get you connected to some. The key is to have a few guys to talk/support with. There are things to know about these type of things that we can only learn from other men.
5 Walk tall and proud. You are a prize that a healthy stable girl will be very lucky to get(believe it).
Check out this link, so that you will be able to prevent the same from happening to you again.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index
Good Luck
@metalwater this really helps a lot, thank you i really appreciate it. i feel like your advice would help me feel a lot better about myself. i've never gotten advice like this before ðŸ˜
