Relationships
I been with this guy for four years and I met someone at my job and had sex with him. I admitted it to my ex boyfriend as of now and he had came home while I was talking to his mom and he actually pushed me down on the table and I got back up and tried to get my stuff to leave. He pushed me and his mother on the ground outside and started to get on top of me and punching me in my face , arm and shoulders. I was fighting back (self defense). I still love him and he had said he loved me. It was a lot of stress that day. I drove home crying to my parents and trying to tell them what happened. I was in shock. The police finally came and I filed a report of abuse on him and now he has court and could go to jail. Is is crazy that I wanna be with him? I love him
even thought he put his hands on me. He has never done this before.
@pluckyPear9306 i would move on if he put his hands on you its a red flag what if he does that again then what.
I think it happened because he is under a lotta stress and I told him I had sex with another guy which made him react that way. Im going to pray for forgiveness and hopefully to start over. I still love him. It hurt me having to go to the cops because the scars were hurting. Im still in shock and traumatized @kitkat34567
@pluckyPear9306 Give it time thats the only thing i can suggest
I will. Ill give him time and space. He has to see the judge Tuesday so his mom or him cant talk to me until after court @kitkat34567
@pluckyPear9306 I am sorry you are going through this, I am sending you lots of hugs and support.
But also, I want to remind you that what he did is not valid at all, he shouldn't have hit you, no matter what, I would encourage you to take care of yourself first, remember that a man who hits you doesn't love you, I know it sounds harsh but It's the truth. I wish wou all the best
@pluckyPear9306
It is not crazy that you want to forgive and still be with him, because you love him. Perhaps this is something you can say to the judge so that he might take into consideration that there was a background context to the one-time violence and you would like to try and work with your partner (if he also wishes to work on this). Maybe enforce some anger management sessions to help your man learn how to cope with his anger without hurting you. It's a dangerous situation when adults resort to playground fighting with grown up strength. Life brings unpleasant and unhappy situations every once in a while so if you want to be with him, steps must be taken to prevent any recurrence of violence regardless of circumstances.
He put it on his granny that he would talk to me and give another chance if I drop the charges @0m
@pluckyPear9306
I'm sorry but putting any conditions on you or forcing you to retract charges does not reflect remorse or regret about his violent actions. His message through his granny still shows you disrespect and zero signs of acknowledging all the red lines he crossed when he beat you.
@pluckyPear9306
I just wanted to remind you that as human beings we all have our fair share of strengths and weaknesses. Yes, you had sex outside the relationship, yes he was furious with reason and didn't know how to cope with the situation. NO he never had the "right" and nobody ever has the right to beat you, no matter what you said or did. There is a difference between guilt and crime. What you did was morally wrong, what he did was criminal. Please do not allow him to make this all about your indiscretion or give him any reason to excuse the violence. As I've mentioned, life brings it's challenges and people can only be better by first admitting what they did wrong, then committing to work at fixing it.
@0m
well I couldn't drop the charges. I have to go court with it and this is his first offense so he will get a fine. I want to drop the charges but I don't know how. This is all to much. I've never had to deal with this. He is willing to talk to me after court and take things slow as far as bein g friends and building up to a relationship. I love him and I know we can work this out. I told him the truth and that was it. I'm nervous about this court date whenever it is. I wish him the best and I'll help him if he needs it.
@pluckyPear9306
If you want to drop the charges but don't know how it might be worth paying for legal advice. Do not be pushed into something that you don't want to be, whether that's by him or by anyone else.
Hi, it's awful what happened to you. it should never have happened. I understand you taking the blame for this as you made the original error which caused him to get angry, of course it was your fault as he has never done this before. WRONG.... from personal experience, I can tell you to get out. I met my dream man and within a year he had hit me once. Oh, he was so sorry, he had a lot of trauma and something I had done (think i was huffing he had invited another girl with us to an event) had just stressed him and triggered his temper. He'd NEVER done this before, he promised. I was shocked and went along with it as I'd caused it and he was gutted it had happened. A few more instances, a lot of years of happiness (I thought) and then 20 years later I got out. He was controlling, he was abusive, he denied things he said or did... this was all so gradual that I didn't even notice. But what I can tell you is that I made excuses for him, hid things from others, blamed myself for his bad humours. I have a good job, i'm intelligent, I had everything going for me, but I was a sucker and easy target for him. He has now moved on, I'm in therapy and there are 20 years of my life I cannot get back. If you feel you need to protect him, if you feel like you can't be without him, if you feel like you are to blame for his actions, you have to consider that you may be entering into an abusive relationship. Cheating is wrong, but you came clean and took responsibiltiy. violence is wrong, and you are now taking responsibility for that also??? but you didn't make the decision to do that. Think carefully where you want to be in life, if this is the person who can work with you to get to there? I hope I am wrong but until i went to therapy, I didnt' realise i was in an abusive controlling relationship, I argued with the therapist - he then described my partner, his childhood, his methods of emotional blackmail. this is your time to get your head straight and make the right decision for YOU. (just what you want, where your going, what type of love you need etc and not take anyone else into consideration) I was "in sorry" with my partner for years, I know I loved him but I doubt that it was ever true love. (and if i'm wrong, i'm so sorry and wish you well - therapy is really helping me to release words, events and rants, it's great except for the poor reader :) ) I wish you well and happiness
@pluckyPear9306
There is no way that it is ok for a man to beat a women. If it is in self defense and the guy so so weak that he can not restrain her if needed then it is ok to defend only. In my world it is pretty easy to just grab and restrain a girl if she gets crazy, but they always know that and don't get crazy. Never is it ok to attacking them, that action is so wrong on so many levels. You should be really careful around that guy, he apparently doesn't have the emotional strength to stand. What he should have done instead depending on who owns the house is either leave or ask you to leave instead of the violence.
IMHO, you should move on, but there can be exceptions to almost everything.. The reason you should move on is mostly because you choose to cheat. It is ok.. this is a really common choice that many girls make so it it not like you are the only one, guys do it also. Usually if a girl is really into her man she will not cheat. Spend some time to consider why you made that choice.... and what is different now that would cause you to choose different.
I can share to you that it is not ok with a guy(most guys) if there wife or girl friend has sex with another guy or even gives another guy a lot of emotional attention. They might say it is ok because of social pressure, but deep in side it is not ok. There are biological emotions that men have about these type of things. It is much different than for girls, not better.. but different. So the moment he found out you are sex with someone else by choice his world burned and he does not have the strength to hold his spirit.
There is a case where the girl is weak of character and the guy can trick her emotions and get sex. It is easy if the guy knows what he is doing, and or if there is drugs/alcohol. That case is a little different. But if the girl makes the choice with a clear mind due to high interest in the other guy then she should move on.
I think opinions on this can be different, what I write is bases on my life and what I have experienced.
Good luck.
@metalwater. I'm going through a ton of emotions on top of this. A death my car messing up and I don't know what to do. He gave me option sir try to work it out while dealing with this or go separate ways. I don't know