Should I wait or let go?
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years.
In the beginning everything was great. We both brought each other peace and were calm. We fell in love after a year of dating and he said it to me a year later exactly when I felt it too.
However, he is very hot and cold now. He says stuff like "there's no reason I wouldn't marry you" when things are going well and as soon as we get serious (eg, parents meet) he pulls back and says "we need to talk about if we are compatible cause I sometimes feel we aren't in sync like my friends who got married"
It's pretty annoying because I don't know what he wants. I know if he let's go of me, it won't hurt him. He once said "just know If this ends, it's not because you weren't enough". It's so cryptic because it seems like its a pre warning. Is he keeping me around until he finds the next best thing? I asked him that too and he says no but words over actions.
Hes been in a 6 year relationship before me and he gave it his all. And ever since, he says he doesn't prioritize relationships which is sad because I put him first all the time. I drive on different roads and keep crying hoping it will get better. And sometimes it does, but then it's the same cycle. He also started his business when he met me and it gets in the way of things. I don't want to throw myself at him and he available all the time but he's barely ever available. I don't like the fact that he spent so much time with his ex and can't with me...but I guess because of his work too or so I make myself believe it's bc of that.
I've lost my virginity to him too. He says he is committed to me but I don't think he is. He seems so confused which is strange for a guy that legit plans everything.
So what should I do? Is there ways I can resolve this?
I can relate to someone saying they won’t give their all in a relationship. My partner doesn’t say that necessarily but it’s similar I believe. After his ex broke up with him when she went to college, he basically vowed to not do all he did for her for anyone else—personally I think it’s a defense mechanism to defend himself against pain or heartbreak in the future. He was going to move to the state she was in for college no less, start a whole job there, go to college himself there etc. She doesn’t even live there or in her home state anymore due to the transience of the career and he was about to reroute his whole life for that. I think once she broke up letting that sink in just made him not want to ever do any of that for anyone ever again. I don’t think that’s right. You’re not responsible for the fact whatever happened with his ex didn’t work out and now he doesn’t want to prioritize it. Even if he told you that at the beginning I’m sure you hoped with time he’d change and respect you and therefore agreed to the relationship.
jusr remember you are never responsible for the way it didn’t work out which lead him to be like this. That said, if that is really the terms he puts on the relationship, the truth is you have to respect that. You cannot force him to change how he views the relationship or you and if he takes you more seriously or not. What you CAN do however is let him know how you deserve to be treated with respect and love just as he did his ex and if you’re not worth that to him then there’s a serious issue to you. You recognize your worth. You KNOW you’re worth more than how he’s treating you. That’s important. If you didn’t know your worth then you would be fine accepting this from him or maybe a bit uneasy but not know why.
address this with him but if you need to bring in a mediator such as a family member like his parent or a loved one you both respect and vice versa. Have you talked to a family member of his about this? How did you get the info about how he treated his ex?
Hi thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. U are right. I am not accountable for that and deserve the same love. He told me how he treated his ex and how he would never be the same persona again because he felt miserable since he gave his ex everything.
