So now it's my fault

I want to say about a year and a half ago my husband's stepfather was sending me inappropriate sexual messages. For a while they started innocently with how our day went then somehow they became unwanted and inappropriate.

I was scared at first to tell anyone about it. I didn't want my in laws to think I caused it and I was scared no one would believe me and he'd continue anyway.

I told him if he wants to cheat then do it with another woman not me. He kept asking me for relationship advice which it's not my job to do yet he kept messing me.

He's a narcissist and has cheated on my MIL before and went to prison for possession of illegal drugs and smuggling them. She even met him when he was in prison. And each time she takes him back. Even though he's controlling every time we visit he takes control of cooking and anything to do with the kitchen. He constantly yells at her and his excuse is because she's hard if hearing which I call total BS!

It breaks my heart hearing the constant yelling and her saying how she doesn't feel loved by him yet she doesn't want to be alone. She'd rather be with him than be alone.

Last year I finally told my husband and he told his family. It was an emotional day for everyone. I thought things would get better, she kicked him out and got rid of some of his stuff, we learned that supposedly while my niece and her bf were living with them he looked at her while she got out from taking a shower and he said something inappropriate to my eldest niece but things have gotten worse.

She keeps talking to him and he refuses to get a divorce and he keeps trying to get her to take him back. Then a few months later she told us that they're dating again.

I know it's common for victims of abuse take their abusers back but I feel like everything she said about how she felt about him is either a lie or it doesn't matter anymore. I feel like she's choosing him over her own family and nothing matters except him. They're currently on vacation and no one can get a hold of her to see if she's okay. Everyone is worried for her safety as we were all livid when she said she got tickets for the vacation when we invited her to go on vacation with us.

My husband and I keep having nightmares about him. Understandably he dreams about causing his stepdad harm while I dream about him moving back in with her and he keeps trying to get close to me and they feel so real I hate them.

I want my normal life back but I don't know how. It's out of my control as long as she keeps talking to him and he says things like I'm still talking to him which I'm not, I blocked him on Facebook and his phone number however while we were visiting I heard my sister in law talking about me to my husband behind my back as if I'd really do something like that. It really hurts and I told my husband which he didn't like but he defended me to her.

I really don't think they understand what we're going through and how much this mentality effects us but I know empathy is hard for some people and you can't change how people are. It makes me not want to visit them anymore and I want to keep my distance but my husband won't let me he wants to keep visiting his family which he should, they're his family and I guess I'm just a burden.

Before all this mess happened my best friend since elementary school passed away suddenly and I was the last to see her alive when we hung out the day before. I have an unhealthy way of grieving people who I'm close to. My dad passed when I was in high school and I made poor decisions same when my best friend passed. I hurt myself as well as my family both times it really hurt my husband which I totally regret.