Stuck in a vicious cycle

@Pandasandkittens

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My career isn't at all what I was hoping it would be out here in a small town. I don't get to work much because my husband doesn't want me to. It takes me away from home for 24 hours/ shift. But I don't want to be a house wife. He reminds me all the time that I do nothing at home and so I have no excuse to not make any changes in my life. (He is being quite harsh and incosiderate with what he said here. This is an indication he has not taken the time to show empathy to how you feel, and would often push his beliefs on you. The way he is doing this will cause you to feel bad about yourself, and then it will add to your depression) It's true I have no motivation. I'm stuck in a rut. (I could see why you would feel this way, depression can definetly take away the motivation. Have you tried seeking professional help for this?)

My marriage has been horrible for so long but I don't do anything to fix it. (It takes two to make a marriage work, not just one person) He tells me if nothing changes we're done. (This is a sign he is blaming you for everything, when in reality he is also responsible for how things are going) But I never change. Am I subconsciously trying to sabotage us? Or have i decided that am I so deep in a hole that there's no point in trying to get out. (At the moment what you need most is someone to be supportive, attentive, respectful, kind and empathetic. This would make you feel like you can get through this, but if you surround yourself with rude people like him and don't see the proffesional help you need then it will often make you feel depressed)

I guess I should add that our fights have gotten really bad over the last few years that's adding to the depression. (This is a sign you two probably didn't resolve things, so often it was pushed under the rug. The safety of this relationship isn't there, and its causing both sides to feel hurt) I feel he has no respect or appreciation for me. I get called names a lot. (He is being verbally abusive and disrespectful here, this is a deal breaker right here. He is mistreating you, and this will make you feel disconnected and as if what you do isn't enough for him) He apologizes after. (He is telling you what you need to hear, and so his anxiety goes down. I doubt he is genuine because this has happened often) He says he's just so frustrated and angry that I do nothing to help myself. (He is being manipulative and not taking responsability for his actions. He is actually blaming you for what he did, when in reality its his fault because he is not taking the time to be respectful towards you. This is another deal breaker, things will never be resolved with someone who projects all the time like he does) He says me not trying to get better means I must not care for him or love him anymore. (He is being manipulative and selfish right here. This feels too forced, and not taking the time to truly understand whats making you feel this way)