Things I wish I could tell you..

dear mom,

i wish i could tell you what happened.i was raped by my half brother at i don't live with but used to love. he was abusive and violant to me and everyone who he didn't like. if thats nothing to you, it happened many times over the summer and i said nothing to you. father knows but does almost nothing so

the mistke of the family

Dear you the boy who broke me,

You made me want to believe in God. The way you talked about your faith made me want to believe in something the way you did. You made me want a normal future with marriage, kids and a house. Instead if the future I had planned with no attachments. I never told you about my broken pieces. I thought if I did you would see me the way I see myself and leave. But now I wish I had told you because maybe you would have stayed if you knew I was broken too.

Love,

The girl you've probably forgotten about

I wish I could tell you that I will miss you, if I go. That I will cry, a lot. Going away is hard. I never wanted to leave... but I might be leaving. And maybe that's for the best. God knows I need a change, I need this change. If this opportunity follows through, and I hope it does, I'll grab onto it with tears in my eyes. I never wanted to leave. This place is beautiful. Things just didn't work out, I guess. This place is too small for me. I might even get better care elsewhere. Remember when you said to me that you just want me to be happy and healthy? Maybe, in order to do that, I'll have to get on a plane and fly out west. Start fresh, in a new city, with different people. I never wanted to leave. If I do, and I'll know in the next couple of days, you'll be one of the few people I'll call. Probably the last one. And I dare say, I'll probably be staring at the phone a long time before I get the courage and stability to call. I know I might end up being a wreck if I get this position. The tears are already flowing just thinking about it. Remember when you said that we would still be dropping in on each other, and that the beautiful thing about this profession is catching up and having a drink with old friends? I remember, because I had tears in my eyes at the time. Now, it may never happen. I'll be so far away. I'd really like to see you one last time, if I fly away. Maybe then, we can have a glass of wine, to old memories and new beginnings. I never wanted to leave...

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

To my three dearest sisters,

I know I can be complicated and a handful, because I have so many mental illnesses, many of which you don't know about, but I wish I could tell you. I wish I could you the times I feel like dying. I wish I could tell you when I want to self harm. I wish I could tell you that I lie about saying I ate something when I really didn't eat anything. I wish I could tell you that I miss dad, but I don't want you to think I'm not over it. I wish I could tell you that I want to throw up whenever I look in the mirror. I wish I could tell you that I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes, even though you told me to come sleep in your bed whenever this happens. I wish I could tell the three of you a lot of things, but I just can't get the courage to. So Sammy, Megan, Kaity, I love you guys to death, and I'm sorry I'm this way. I wish I could tell you everything. I love you.

XxBrittany

Dear Wes,

Can I just ask something?

Why did you all of the sudden stop talking to me? For months you acted like you cared, and i don't know what I did, but you just stopped. I tried making conversation, but you know I have social anxiety and I can't do that.

And people wonder why I don't like making friends. It's because eventually they'll either fade out of your life or force themselves out of it, and I don't know which hurts more, but I do know that the happiness you feel with them isn't worth the crushing feeling of losing them, or them not wanting you. I don't want any friends now because of that. Cause one day they're gonna leave and the longer you're with them, the more it hurts. I can't trust anyone with my feelings because I'm afraid they're gonna leave. Like you did. Except that hurt more because you didn't tell me why. It went from you wishing me a good morning message to wake up to everyday, to acting like I was just some person you knew in second grade but never talked to. That's a pretty shitty feeling. So ask me why I don't trust people with my emotions.

I would've been more okay if I never met you at all but I know you made me happier than ever.

Hey, I'm sorry for being the way I am. I wish I could tell you all about me, from my happiest moments to my darkest but I know in order to keep you around I'd have to keep my mouth shut and pretend I'm doing good. If only you knew what's going on in my mind..

I'm sorry I've bee skipping school for weeks. I'm sorry I never completed high school. I'm sorry I'm a disappointment to you though you say I'm not. I am though. I'm sorry I lie to you all every day. I'm sorry I can't stop eating. I'm sorry I feel this way. I'm sorry about living. I wish you all hated me like you should.

Brother, you are ruining our lives. I know this is horrible, but part of me wants you dead. Then we can get on with our lives.

Family, if I didn't know better (and I don't), I'd say that you all want me stuck in the town I hate, miserable and doing errands for you all forever.

Dear Dad,

I'm not my older sister, please stop comparing us

I wish I could tell you...

to leave me alone about my weight. I'm actually a really skinny girl and when I talk about it with others, they assure and reassure me that I'm completely normal weight and look wise. but thanks to you, my image of myself is completely skewed. I cover my body and am embarrassed when I have to show it. I'm young and should be enjoying and embracing my body but instead, I see it as a fault.

stop making little digs and acting like they're lighthearted and for my benefit. you're not helping, you're hurting.