Things I wish I could tell you..
Mom, I wish you'd stop acting like i was okay because I'm not.I have been dealing with severe dpression and anxiety for the past five years. The reason I started self harming was beacause of what you let happen. Last week while you were at the store I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't do it because I didn't want you to find me. I wish you'd listen to me more and get me the help I need before I'm too far gone. I wish we had a better relationship, but we don't. And I don't think we ever will. I also need to let you know that the only reason I'm still here is because, no matter how miserable I am, I still try to hold on just so you will never know the feeling of losing a child.
Hey Best bud of 10 years when we had the fight months ago. I stood up for you, I tried my hardest to tell you who he was, he's not good for you, he'll make your sick, he's brainwashing you, he's changing you. You weren't my best friend anymore. How could you turn your back on me like that? How do you choose him over me? You broke my heart in half & I walked away broken in tears. I felt alone for months because I lost 1 friend for a decade. Did no one tell you once you've been with someone for so many years they become part of you? So much for life long friends anyway. I'm better now because of you. I've learned to stand tall, speak my mind when things are wrong, & I've heald the friendships I have with people that are worth my time close to my heart.
I've suffered but I'm happy about it. Without you. You'll never hear these words but I'm happy to let this last message go
Today is the last day I will speak to you. You don't know it, but all of this is hurting me too much. I know you wanted to be friends. I just can't.
Today is the last day I will speak to you. You don't know it, but all of this is hurting me too much. I know you wanted to be friends. I just can't.
I am still hoping you to come, for next 2years after you completed your job. But i guess you still not ready yet for big things we will face. I may leave now, as they say, leaving you softly as I can.
Georgie, I love you. You're such a strong person and I hope that you read this thread one day and see this message and see that all this time I was talking about this mystery girl, hinting and hinting, it was you. You're the only person I want.
dear mom,
I know you're trying to understand the decisions I've recently made to better my life. I know you think you know better. I understand that you've lived longer than I have. I get it. But this is my life, let me live it.
dear brother in heaven,
When you look down at me, watch me grow, are you smiling? Am I making you proud with how much I have changed, how much I appreciate myself better?
dear ... you.
I hate that I still like you even though you have an awesome girlfriend. She's a great girl. Stop being so dense. Stop treating me so nicely. I forget, you're like that to everybody. Stop making me feel like I'm 17 again. I don't need that. Let me go so that I can let you go.
I love you Eugene. Thank you for being non judgemental and concerned and being in the right place at the right time.
Love as in the kind for an uncle, I look up to you.
My darling,
I wish I knew how to speak poetry like some people do. You deserve sonnets and roses and diamonds and I want to give you everything, but you've decided you'll settle for me. Thank you for that. I wish I could find a way to express to you how my tremendous mood swings affect our relationship. Sometimes I love you madly and want to marry you that very hour, and sometimes I love you madly and want to never speak to you again. I struggle to explain my feelings, because I don't even know what they are, because they change so rapidly. I wish I could tell you everything I'm thinking, but all I make myself do is shrug and smile.
Jenna,
I wish I could tell you what has happened. I wish I could explain why I've changed this year. I know you can tell I'm not as happy as I used to be. I wish I could show you my cuts. You question why I don't want to eat. You make jokes about it and I have to force a smile and laugh it off. I'm tired of pretending to be 'normal.' This is who I am now. I don't want anything to change, but I don't want to keep anything from you. I still love you even though I can't always love myself. I don't want to be a burden for you. I wish you could understand.
I feel like I'm not good enough for you so can't fully trust you